Category Archives: self-love

Where are you today?

How are you feeling? Whats happening in your life and in your business? How big is your week this week?

Do you even have time to contemplate answering these questions? Are you overwhelmed by how much needs completing or are you madly scrambling to find more clients/contracts/jobs to pay the bills?

Why do I ask……

We are now 8 weeks into 2017. We have reached that point where it seems both a long way from the centredness and relaxation of the summer break and equally as far from the next opportunity to take more than the weekend off (if you are even managing to do that) This is where we can lose ourselves to the momentum, the busyness,the rush and hustle.

This week I’d like to encourage your to draw breath, to create space regardless of how busy or not busy you are. Find a way to inject a gap into your week just for you. It can be as little and an hour or even 20 minutes a day or if you really want to amp things up gift yourself a day.

Step off the treadmill for a moment and gather your thoughts, let go of busyness, pressure and hurry. Connect with yourself and feel where you are at, feel the reason you are here doing this, feel the part of this that “is you” and not your business.

When we create regular gaps in our schedule to reconnect with ourselves and what we are creating it becomes easier to stay on track, we accomplish more and it is easier to find the energy for the doing.

We step into flow, we find satisfaction and contentment or we identify what is not flow and not satisfaction and it becomes easier to make the necessary adjustments, to self-correct, to feel re-inspired towards our goals, mission and purpose.

Whenever you are feeling tired, overwhelmed, too busy or not busy enough in your business its time to take a step back, to turn to yourself and ask the question “where am I in this?’ “where am I and what do I need?”

To be able to show up consistently and to create something you love in the long term – that sustains you financially, emotionally, spiritually, professionally and personally, staying connected to yourself is the key.

Dont wait for someone else to notice and to give it to you….

Dont wait until you are burnt out and just dont love it any more

Dont wait until its too late to change course and make the necessary adjustments

Take that time today, this week. Gift it to yourself, you deserve it. You are more worthy of your own time and attention than you can ever imagine.

I’d love to hear your experiences of giving yourself time in your business, feel free to share int he comments below. If you feel like you’d like some more support with this feel free to schedule a free clarity call with me here or visit my website here

2015’s Last Post…

Its pretty standard at this time of the year to reflect on the past 12 months and to begin to anticipate what lies ahead as we turn the page to a fresh New year. I’m sure many of you having been doing this over the last few days, some of you looking forward to the year being over, others madly setting goals for what 2016 will be.

As I have been formulating this blog post over the last few days I too have been reviewing my year and the gifts and challenges it delivered. I have felt called to review my writing and in particular a blog post I wrote just over a year ago  “No more cardboard moments”  This blog post was about what makes life memorable and how easy it can be to live on the surface of life, not really engaging with your experience. At the time I wrote it I felt a strong desire to be fully present, to soak up every second and to make sure my moments were memorable. I can certainly say the 2015 has delivered on this front. I have felt more connected, more alive and happier than ever before.

My personal theme for 2015 was “going deeper” I wanted a deeper connection to myself, to my work, to spirit, to the people in my life and to life itself and to be deeply present with what life delivered.

I have discovered a new level of enjoyment and satisfaction in my work. I have had time to notice those urges and ideas that flit through my brain on a regular basis. A new level of connection with what I do and what I desire has emerged.

Deepening into the present moment has bought the added joy of increasing and deepening my friendships and has drawn new relationships into my life. I have more people in my life that I can be completely real with than ever before. I have also experienced subtle shifts with complete strangers. More people on the street offering a good morning when I am out for my walk and after years of weekly airplane travel where I would put my head down and actively discourage communication from those around me, I have been treated to fascinating travel companions keen to share their story. Even the checkout operator at the supermarket has had a kind smile and a more genuine enquiry of my day.

All this makes me wonder about that way the world works. I have a quote written on my hallway mirror ” change the way you view things and the things you view will change” This has proven to be true in my life over and over. When we shift our perspective we are rewarded with greater understanding, a deeper experience of all that life has to offer but the outside appearance of our life is still exactly the same.

Instead of waiting for things to change, bemoaning that which isn’t there is a constant invitation to shift your experience, to weave a richer fabric from your everyday. 2015 has presented me with many opportunities to do just that.This year has delivered me some truly magic moments some of them in the simplest of circumstances.

I have also been challenged to step outside my comfort zone, to confront my fears full on. I have had to accept that I can and often do isolate myself. I actively lessen my ability to experience the life I desire because it scares me. It is easier for me to stay safely secluded in my own world than it is to venture out into the richer, deeper life I desire.  Going deeper asks us to be more real, to own our feelings and to ask for what we truly want. I have had to take steps forward, to be honest with myself and others and to confront the terror of having what I really want.

Desire is an interesting animal. While we are without the object of our desire we have it as our sole focus, it distracts us from “what is” with what “could be”. When we get what we want we no longer have that distraction and it can be very disarming to fully immerse yourself in enjoying what its like to have that thing, to be present with it. We can almost become so addicted to wanting that we prefer that experience over deepening into having what it is we have wanted for so long.

I can safely say there have been no “cardboard moments” in 2015. I have lived life deep and in full colour. I have found true rewards in taking the risk to go confidently in the direction of my dreams. I am filled with gratitude for what this year has delivered me…the pleasure, the pain, the joy, the fear, the love, the grief, the frustration, the peace and the contentment. As I turn my thoughts to 2016 I know I want more of the same.

I invite 2016 to deliver me more deep experiences and connections, more love, more growth, more conscious creation and more space, time and freedom to enjoy it!

Bring on 2016!

What gifts did 2015 bring you? what are you inviting from 2016? I’d love to read about it in the comments below

Navigating your inner terrain…..

How much do you know of your inside? The core of you…What is really at the bottom of all the beliefs you hold about yourself?….all your preconceived ideas of the world and who you are in it…the choices you have made based on your conditioned experiences?

This is your inner landscape, the terrain of your heart, the place where your soul resides….do you know what it looks like?

I have been called to explore my own inner terrain this week, to climb my interior Mt Everest. This call came in the most innocuous and unexpected way. It wasn’t outstanding or miraculous, I was simply faced with one disappointment too many. I reached my tipping point!

Initially I was devastated and devastated in a way that was far more cavernous than the size of the actual disappointment which in the big scheme of things was entirely unremarkable. This small disappointment set of an avalanche of frustration, grief, sadness and despair that I had been totally unaware was waiting inside me on a hair-trigger. Waiting for just the right moment to go off. I was in pain. I was heartbroken. I cried and cried until my face ached.

And then suddenly I was empty

I was completely empty and not in a lonely I don’t know what to do with my exhausted and disappointed self way but in a peaceful, quiet, calm, you have reached the bottom of yourself way.

I have sat in this beautiful calm emptiness now for several days. I have been empty and laughing. I have been empty and joyful, empty and loving, empty and determined, empty and experiencing deep clarity and wonder. I am exploring the geography of my emptiness.

You see I am a passionate, driven, achieving, striving person. This is my modus operandi. This is what I have believed will get me what I want. I pour myself into people and projects and tasks and goals and relationships. This is who I have been all of my adult life. What happened a few days ago when I reached my tipping point was that I poured myself into one project too many and when it didn’t come off their was nothing of me left. I had run out of striving and achieving. I had run out of passion for all of the things that I used to think were important, of value and what I most desired.

If you have read this far I suspect you are wondering where this is going….to be honest I am not really sure but what I do know is that finding my empty has been liberating, possibly as liberating as reaching the summit of that mountain you have wanted to climb your whole life. I am no longer constrained by all the ideals and ideas I once thought important, defining and pivotal. I am free of the values my conditioning and experiences where holding me to.

My inside, my inner terrain feels spacious, new and yet to be discovered. I feel I can let go of expectations for myself and from others. This is where I leave behind all that I was and discover who it is I am and what I want to bring forward. Nothing is holding me back or weighing me down yet I feel no demands to rush forward.

I am enjoying this inner sanctuary, my personal mountain top. When I think about what might be ahead I feel no fear or apprehension. I feel a smile open on my face. Striving has been replaced with allowing. Action has been replaced with exploration. Fear becomes a deep trust in the internal restructuring that is occurring. I am not who I once was and I am not who I will ultimately become. It just is how it is….and its lovely.

Time to explore the hills and valleys, the mountains and rivers and oceans of myself. I am my own adventurer, pouring myself into myself.

Have you explored your inner landscape? Feel free to share in the comments below

Changing the world is an Inside job!

About 8 years ago, I picked up a book in a bookshop in Invercargill. That book gave me a message that I needed to hear. “change the way you view things and the things you view will change” I felt inspired by those word, so inspired in fact that I wrote them on my hallway mirror so that I would see them every day and not forget them. They are still on my mirror today.

Those words helped me to realise that the world was not responsible for the things that were happening in my life, I was. The fullness of what this meant has taken some time to really sink it. I have oscillated from taking responsibility for everything in my life back to blaming my circumstances and those around me. Recently I am feeling this message at a new and deeper level.

The man who wrote those words and that book passed away this week and began a new journey in spirit. Dr Wayne Dyer was and inspired writer, teacher, speaker and human being. He changed the world, he started with himself.

My life, your life, is like the words on my mirror and like the mirror itself. Life is a reflection. when we don’t like what is reflected back we have a choice. We can shift our perception and change the way we view things or we can change ourselves. Both of these choices work. What doesn’t work is continuing to do what you have always done. If you don’t like your current results then why keep repeating them?

There is something in my life that I don’t like…..it has been bugging me for a while. Being strong. Yes, really…. I don’t like being strong. Being strong has brought forth experiences in my life that I have had to endure, power my way through, survive. People say to me with admiration you are so strong, you are such a strong person. I know they say this as a compliment but to me it is a reflection of what I don’t want. Being strong does not allow me my vulnerability or tenderness. It does not allow me to be supported and cared for. Being strong does not allow me to receive and to give in the way that I truly want to in the depths of my being.

What I have learnt from Dr Wayne Dyer and many of the other teachers in my life is that if you want to change the world the best place to start is with yourself.

If you want to see more peace make peace with yourself, be more peaceful

If you want more love, be more loving to yourself.

If you want more tenderness be tender with yourself.

If you want to feel supported then offer yourself support.

Ironically the hardest things are the simplest things. For me to let go of strong I need to embrace my vulnerability, my gentleness, my tenderness. I need to offer myself support and caring. This is going to take a lot of strength! lucky I am good at that 🙂 I can continue to view being strong as an obstacle to getting what I want or I can view it as a gift to support me to be all that I am.

So If you have ever watched the things that happen in your life and in the world in general and felt helpless or wondered “what can I do to change this” you can start changing the world from the inside. You can start by choosing You.

Be self loving, be generous with yourself, be more peaceful with yourself. Go within and choose YOU, this is where you can truly create a change that will spread ripples out into the world.

Let me know how it goes as I’m sure I will in future posts

Paula x

There is a well of love inside you….

I woke up at 213am this morning to the sound of snow silence. I always know the sound of snow because its so incredibly quiet outside. I got up and sure enough my lawn was coated in white. The snow silence made me think about the silence I find inside when I meditate. Its a different kind of quiet but similar in a way. This then made me think about love. Ahh the things that go through your head in the wee hours of the morning!

Relationships are hard, this is a truth. There is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow when it comes to love. Love teaches you about all of your strengths and all of your weaknesses. I tend to love hard and sadly I have loved and lost and loved and lost a number of times. For me love and loss are intimately entwined. The fear of losing someone I love is very loud for me currently, having lost my last love to cancer.

This morning, in the wee hours, I started to write about this fear and how crippling it is for me. I liken it to pavlov’s dog, to fear loss when I feel love is my conditioned response. Yet having lost someone I loved very deeply has also gifted me many blessings. It has shown me my strength, my resilience and my instinct to survive. It gave me my voice, my writing, through which I can express things I feel but cannot always say out loud. It has taught me the true value of love. I have learnt that loss is a transit, a gateway, a new birth.

The lesson of my early morning wake up was a pertinent reminder that fear of loss in love can also be an indication that we are looking to another to meet our need for love. It is easy to look for love outside or yourself especially when someone comes along who makes you feel special and seen. When we externalise our experience of love we will always be disappointed. Regardless of the strength of your relationship there will always be times when your partner does not meet your needs and you feel hungry for love. This can lead us to do and say things we later regret, it can turn even the most level-headed of us a little cray cray! However there is a reliable source of love that will always be there for you to turn, to even in your most difficult and unloveable moments. There is a reservoir inside you. A place where you can turn to feel the connection you desire. There is a place in your heart where love resides.

It took  me a long time to discover this and sometimes I still forget. Its difficult to explain how this even works but this is what it means to love yourself first! Some would call this source of love, spirit, or god or divine love. All in know is, that when you give yourself time to find that connection in your heart, to the well of love inside you, all things that previously felt impossible suddenly become possible. This place will feed you and heal you and hold you.

This is the place I draw from when I feel afraid. When I fear loss I go to this place within and I know that I will always have love regardless of external circumstances. This well of  love inside will sustain you and then you will have nothing to fear in giving yourself to another, for it will not be from a place of need but from a place of being whole.

So the next time you feel there is not enough love or you feel afraid, take a moment,, put your hand on your heart and rest there. Breathe and if you quietly allow it, get curious and explore, you will find this well of love resides in you also.

When daylight arrived this morning, the rain had all but melted the snow away. My lawn was back to its winter greenness but the love inside has not melted away with the snow, it is there always for me and also for you.

Paula xx

Acknowledging the Ebb and Flow….

Have you ever noticed how your life has an ebb and flow? Sometimes things flow easily and you feel that everything is in alignment. All your ducks are in a row, you’re on top of it all and making things happen. Then for some reason, out of the blue, it will all shift and change and you are in a much boggier place. You feel weighed down by your responsibilities and overwhelmed by all that you need to get done. Sometimes this shift will happen quite independently of any day to day changes in your life. You can one day feel good about exactly the same things that will tomorrow feel too hard to deal with. Sometimes you just begin to feel icky inside without any apparent reason.

I have been observing this pattern within myself recently and asking the question what really changes, what really causes this shift? How can we even out the ups and downs and come to a place of greater balance.

Bringing my awareness to this has made a difference, I have become very conscious of the internal shift when it occurs. Obviously there are external demands on our lives that can affect this massively but I have also noticed that the time and attention I give to myself and my own needs has an impact as well. How we respond in times when we feel heavy and less inspired holds the key

I have a daily routine. I meditate each morning for around 10 to 15mins. I write in my journal at night before I go to sleep. These two things change the way my day goes, they change how stressed I feel and they change the way I respond to the world.

I didn’t always do these things. Although the journaling has been with me on and off for many years. What I notice is that when life starts to move away from an easy flow it will generally coincide with letting something in my routine go. These small things I do each day are acts of self-care or self- love that help me to respond to what it is I am feeling in each and every moment and this in turn guides me to actions that are in alignment with who I am and where I want to go.

If I let my routine slide I will find myself sitting in the tension of being out of sync, out of flow and feeling but not quite getting to what it is that needs my care inside. In the past I have been so uncomfortable with the internal feeling of tension that I have tried to block it with food, or TV or a couple of glasses of wine. I will procrastinate and avoid and generally behave in a way that isn’t productive. I do these things to distract myself from the icky feeling of tension but they do not offer a solution, the tension remains and becomes louder.

Recently I have changed my approach. I now recognise the tension as a signal that I need more of myself that some part of me requires my attention and the best way to shift to a lighter frequency is to address that. I still resist taking action for a while and I need to approach myself gently with a hot bath or some gentle music. This will generally assist me to a deeper level of supporting myself to find what it is this tension is trying to tell me. I can move to journaling or meditation or sometimes, I just suddenly become aware of what it is I need to do.

We have some much more power to change our experience that we can ever imagine. Feeling a downward spiral in your energy is, in my experience a gift. There is gold there waiting to be revealed. It may be a need that is not being met or that some change is necessary, that you need to reach out for support or that you have drifted to far from what it is your heart truly desires.

Internal turmoil is an invitation to respond to life differently, to make another choice, a choice to support yourself especially the most vulnerable parts of you. The parts that carry your hopes and dreams and also your wounds. Each of these moments is a chance to heal inside to bring your dreams to life and to live deeper.

So I invite you to test your own waters. The next time you find you have shifted into a boggy energy or that you are out of the flow and feeling down or grumpy with life. Pause for a moment and ask yourself, what is it that I need? What is it within me that needs my attention? Try out a few small acts of self-care, a walk, a hot bath, or early night. Start the process of internal dialogue, love yourself enough to know you deserve your own time and attention and let me know in the comments below what changes for you…..what is revealed that you didn’t expect…. How quickly you are able to shift back to joy

Paula xx

You are beautiful, You are Perfect, You are Loved…..

Where is your anchor point?

Where do you hang the hat of your self worth?

Do you look to the world to show you that you are valued?

Do you need the approval of others to feel love?

I overheard a conversation at the hairdressers the other day….One Mum asking another “what makes children tell lies?” the timing of this overhearing set off a series of clicks in my consciousness. I had had a week of observing some of the most important people in my world struggle with their own sense of self worth. I know this groove myself, like a well worn pair of shoes. The endless cycle of negative self talk, feeling unloved, struggling with body image, trying so hard to be perfect, looking for everyone else’s approval and never feeling good enough.

So how is this related to my overheard conversation? So much of our experience as an adult comes back to what occurred when we were small. This pattern of low self esteem and low self worth all begins with our attempts as small children to make our parents/grandparents/aunts/uncles/teachers happy.

A child will tell you a lie if that’s when they think you want to hear. As a child you learn very quickly what elicits a positive response from the world around you,and also what will ellicit a negative consequence. From a child’s eye view the world is simple…”what I do that gets love and approval is good about me and what I do that gets me in trouble is bad about me”.. As a child we simply desire love and approval and sometimes this means changing ourselves to fit within prescribed limits. We learn to censor our spirit, to be seen and not heard, to supress our nature to comply with the world. We channel our energy not into what makes our heart sing but into what gains us the most love and approval. We learn that self worth comes from outside ourselves.

This is understandable, as a child it is very hard to make sense of the complex adult world and the relationships in it. We all still have a small child inside of us with unrealised dreams and sometimes a trampled spirit and a heart that is confused about how to be loved.

The truth is that we arrive in this world divinely perfect in every way. That divine spirit still resides within all of us. We do not need to change who we are to be loved or to feel worthy We just need to be ourselves.

So its time to stop beating yourself up for being, too fat, not pretty enough, to loud, to intense, to flaky, not smart enough, not brave enough, too needy, not self loving enough. Instead turn within and find that place inside where your unique divine sprit resides and to offer yourself the love and approval you crave. There is a small child waiting there for you, for your love, for your care and for your hopes and dreams. That’s where you can anchor yourself, this is your safe harbour.

It may not feel easy at first, you may even resist it not believing it will give you what you need, but I promise you if you keep working at it. Gently getting to know who you really are and offering yourself the love that you crave everything will change in ways you cant even imagine.

Its time to stop looking for what you need from outside of yourself. Its time to be you. Fall in love with yourself as you are. You’re the most perfect you in existence xxx