Tag Archives: love

Every experience is valid….Lockdown life

Every experience is valid…..

Life is not going according to plan right now….for anyone. That’s just the way that it is and we have very little choice but to surrender to new restrictions, new ways of working, new ways of being.

I am seeing and reading and hearing a lot about how we “should” be using this time and what we “should and shouldn’t” be doing. Some of this information is important because it will keep you alive and safe. However some of it is just people’s opinions.

Some are sharing worst case scenarios, some are focusing only on the positive. This is one of those times where perspective is everything and the only thing you truly have a choice about is your own experience.

Every experience is valid. What you are going through right now might be wildly different or almost the same as what is happening for me. Either way it is your experience and you are doing it exactly right for you.

Please don’t let yourself feel inadequate in anyway for the things you haven’t ticked off your “to do” list and by the same token let yourself enjoy the satisfaction that comes from actually completing something during such and emotionally and physically challenging time.

Its okay to feel afraid about the future and its okay to be enjoying the quiet that comes from narrowing your focus and staying at home.

There is no recipe for lockdown done “right” except that you need to stay home to keep everyone safe!

For me this time feels strangely familiar in some ways. Its not the first time that life as I know it has come to a grinding halt overnight. There has been earthquakes and the loss of my beloved spouse.

I take comfort in the resilience these previous changes have given me to draw from at the moment and I’d like to share some of the things that are supporting me to feel safe and calm and happy during this lockdown.

I am sharing them not because I think you “should” do them to but just in case you might find them comforting for you too.

You are still here…… life may look radically different right now and it might be impossible to imagine how it can ever feel okay again but you are still here. Remind yourself of that. Breathe, ask yourself what you need, ask yourself what you have energy for and do that.

For me this can look different from one day to the next. Some days its all action and online workouts. Other days its quiet walks with my dog and early nights with a book. I have learnt that there is real value in pausing to check in with myself. To feel my own presence and to inquire what it is I need. This is self nurture and living intuitively. It leaves me feeling less alone, healthier and stronger. I know and trust that someone will respond to my needs and that someone is me.

You are still here, what do you need? what do you have energy for?  Give yourself that.

Completion is important…. at a time when we feel we have very little control over what happens around us finding a project you can see through to completion will give you a sense of achievement and purpose. It doesn’t matter how big or small the project is. It might be trimming the hedge or cleaning out the garage or a project you can work on in your work from home life. Controlling what you can control and completing even the smallest project will help you find balance and give some meaning to your experience.

Find certainty in routine….. As humans we don’t do well with uncertainty. When life is unpredictable we can find it hard to rein in the panic and projection in our mind. It helps to create some certainty for you brain to hold on to. Certainty in uncertain times looks like small daily routines that provide a solid framework from day to day. It might be regular mealtimes, waking up and going to bed times. It might be a regular phone call with a friend at the same day/time each week. It might be advance meal planning so you have certainty about what you will eat. It could be daily meditation or writing time. Routine and structure supports us to feel secure and safe.

Reflection time….. I have learnt that these life disruptions provide a perfect platform for a little reflection. An opportunity to check in with yourself and your significant others about what is working for you in your daily life and what is no longer what you want. I like to look at the various aspects of life, work, friendships, relationships, finances, health and fitness etc and explore what feels lacking, check in with my heart in terms of what I desire more of or less of. The changes don’t need to be made in an instant. Just knowing that you want change and what you desire more of, will lead you to say yes to opportunities as they arise. I have used this process at times when all my plans and dreams have been torn away and it works equally well for helping guide new plans and dreaming new dreams.

Above all, be gentle with yourself, trust yourself, resist the urge to compare yourself with your social media connections, reach out for support if you need it and know that I am thinking of you and sending you a little lockdown love  from a safe distance.<3

Did you know I am currently offering free support in my facebook community? click here to join. I also offer a few free 30min Intuitive insight sessions each month where we can talk about whats happening for you and unravel your experiences together. You can book your free spot here

 

6 Years….

I have thought long and hard today about whether to share this letter from my journal I wrote this morning. Its a very personal outpouring of my feelings on the 6th Anniversary of my husband Ande’s passing. I am sharing this in the hope that its exactly what someone else needs to read…..Take a moment today to forget how annoying your partner is and just appreciate them for who they are and who they are not….do that for me xx

Dear Ande,

When I saw how beautiful it was this morning as I walked on to the beach with my coffee I cried. I cried becuase we never took enough time to share this kind of normal every day beauty together.

My life is not empty without you. My life was emptier without me. I have consciously worked on it these last 6 years, on building my relationship with myself, because ultimately even though you are missing in my life and I miss you, you werent my missing peice. I was.

Even if you were still here, this inner journey would have had to take place, for me to survive, for us to survive.

So much of who I am is a work in progress. Parts of me always will be.

I imagine I will always have this desire to stretch and to grow past the edges of myself and in lots of ways this is your legacy. Who I am is your legacy.

6 years ago I decided that. To make my life a tribute to you. To all they days you didnt get and to all the times you didnt share yourself, let yourself be seen, or recieve the love and respect others had for you.

You were special, your life was special, my life with you was special. I hope that you know that now. I hope that you know just how much you were loved.

I dont always get it right this legacy building. I have days when I choose to stay stuck rather than take the next step or to feel my feelings, or to stretch into my growth.

I dont always do the things I know I need to do. I am learning to show myself compassion in those times, to know that there is for me a tomorrow to try again.

I am learning to let my grief rise and fall like the tide as it needs too, my grief for you and for myself. They hold hands as they walk along the beach together.

I will never not miss you in my life. I am grateful for the way you still show up, in a dream, in a feeling or in something someone said.

I now know that missing you doesnt mean I cant have love and joy and happiness. Sometimes those things come because of missing you. The human heart, my heart, has the capacity to hold love and sadness in equal measure.

Our capacity to fill our lives with joy is only limited by the capacity with which we are prepared to be who we are. Thank you for showing me that.

In your absence you have taught me many things. The belief that you had in me has become the belief I have in myself. The love, trust and understanding you showed me have become the love, trust and understanding I show myself.

Losing you has opened within me a capacity to open to myself and to help others to open to themselves too.

Your life has blessed mine in ways neither of us could ever have imagined. Every person I help, every time I have the honor of leading someone home to the truth of who they are, you have that honor too. In honoring my clients I am honoring you.

Today I sit with sadness and beauty and loss and love and gratitude and pain and delight living in my heart in equal measure.

Thank you for walking by my side. Thank you for reminding me every day to be a little more me. We were each others rocks and you are my rock still.

Today is for you and today is beautiful

Love always

Paula xx

 

The Power of Letting go…..

For those of you who follow the “astrological” weather you will know that we have had quite a significant eclipse over the weekend. For me and many of you, this eclipse and the weeks leading up it has been all about letting go.

Letting go of patterns of behaviour that don’t serve you

Letting go of out dated ideas and ways of being

Letting go of self judgement

Letting go of controlling people and situations

Letting go of needing to know how it will all turn out.

Letting go of people, places and things that are no longer right for you

Letting go of defining yourself by your past

I’m sure if you are reading this then you will relate to at least one if not all of the above.

True change comes when we are really able to let go of what no longer serves us. To do this we must not only know and understand what it is that is holding us back but also what it is costing us to continue to think and act from this place.

We also have to get really comfortable with what life feels like without our old way of being, thinking and doing. Our limiting ideas, behaviours and beliefs can feel a lot like a small childs “blankie” there is comfort in the familiarity of what we know, even if we also know it’s not right for us.

Letting go can feel initially exposing. Like you are standing naked in front of a room full of people.  There is an opening between what we have let go and the new way of being that will replace it. This can feel scary but it is also your golden opportunity to embrace what it is you really want.

For me the letting go has been about releasing all of the ways Ihold myself back from life, love and creating what I want in my business.  In the opening between the letting go and what is next I have felt my heart expand with self compassion, self-love and self-care. I no longer feel the need to judge my results against those of other people or other people’s expectations.

The letting go has gifted me a new level of clarity that I hadn’t expected. I feel clearer about they ways in which I have limited myself. I feel less tangled in the web of my life and much more like I am guiding the ship.

I can see from this vantage point that my life to this point has been very much about love. Being loved, giving love, loving myself, supporting others to feel loved and to offer themselves love and compassion for their experience.

When I work with my clients I am guiding them back to their own hearts, supporting them to uncover what it is they hold deep inside. Allowing healing and lovingly witnessing that which needs to be healed.

I have heard said more than once that grief is the price of love and in my own life I know this to be true. However what this idea doesn’t offer is that grief is also the gift that opens you up to more love. Whenever we lose that which is important to us we have the opportunity to expand. To know that our heart has the capacity to not only heal but to also grow from the experience of loss. The truth is that loss never really leaves us, it remains in our hearts as a reminder of what we have healed and how much we have expanded our capacity to love.

In letting go we can experience this too. We can experience more love, more life and a greater sense of purpose.

Ultimately what I am trying to say here is don’t hold on too tightly to that which you need to let go. Dont let loss, fear or self judgement be the defining experiences in your life. Allow yourself to expand beyond that which has hurt you whether it is a physical experience or a self-limiting belief.

I promise that on the other side of letting go is more freedom and more love than you ever believed you can experience.

Let the power of letting go work its magic in your life.

Paula xx

Are you struggling to let go of what you know is holding you back? I offer a few free 30min Intuitive insight sessions each month where we can talk about whats happening for you and unravel your experiences together. You can book your free spot here

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What Love teaches you

Breakfast Blog#3 This blog post was written over a Salmon Bene Breakfast at Gentle Giant in Ferry Road Christchurch.

Love and Marriage……

Last weekend the world witnessed Harry marry Meghan.

In this day and age such a formal ceremony seems out of place and almost comical. But what doesn’t change is the unerring fact that we humans are driven in one way or another to find love, to couple and to commit. Love has changed but the desire to know we have at least one other human who will stand beside us and be on our team has not.

Some of us are more successful at this than others and I wonder how well Harry and Meghan’s bond will stand up against the pressures of public life.

At 48 and ½ I am not without my love scars. I married my first love at 23 and divorced him at 27. I spent a large part of my early thirties celibate by choice, love jaded, dazed and confused. I married again the week I turned 40 to my best friend and the man I believed I would grow old with, by 43 I was a widow.

The last couple of years has seen me dive once again into the world of romance and internet dating (I’m not sure that those two go together in a sentence!) and I have learnt that older does not necessarily make you wiser when it comes to love.  Why do we keep doing it? Why not give up on love altogether? Because deep down in my soul I know I am not meant to navigate this life solo and I suspect many of you feel the same.

AND I learn more about myself in relationships than in any other single part of my life.  All my most important life lessons have come from being in a relationship. Maybe my love life lessons can save you some pain!

Relationships have taught me….

  • It’s the things that really annoy you about your partner that you will miss the most when they are gone. This is the greatest truth I can share with you. It will break your heart that no one leaves wet towels on the floor or squeezes the toothpaste in the middle when it is over. This truth is amplified tenfold if your love passes away. My advice learn to let this stuff go. It eats away at the bond you have with your love and in the big scheme of things its so not important!
  • Its possible to love with a broken heart. Often we shie away from new relationships when we have been hurt or our lover has died. We think that it will be too painful, we are afraid to risk the hurt again. By holding yourself back from love because of painful experiences you lose the opportunity to know that your heart can expand and heal and hold both painful and joyful experiences side by side. You lose the opportunity to build resilience and you may also be missing out on something really really special
  • Triggers are your roadmap to your own soul. When you fall in love, your partner will trigger you something shocking. You will feel that they don’t care enough, or that they don’t show you affection enough or that they just don’t understand you. You will likely use these ideas as an excuse to start a fight or even to end something that has the potential to be really lifechanging. When your partner triggers all your fears and neediness this is your soul calling you to take care of yourself. I didn’t really understand this until recently. I had experienced it a number of times and had begun to believe that I just needed too much from a relationship. But when I allowed myself to stand back from the situation I was able to see that it was a part of me that needed my attention. It was not my partner withholding or not giving. I needed myself, I needed something only I could give me.
  • Letting yourself receive will bring you unexpected joy. Relationships are about giving and receiving. In a perfect world we would get this in balance, sometimes giving sometimes receiving but the reality is some of us tend to overgive and/or deflect rather than receive. We can also fall prey to the habit of putting conditions on what we are prepared to receive. Our partner can give us all the hugs in the world but if we really want them to tell us how they feel or to help around the house those hugs will feel empty and probably make you angry. You have some choices here…. Articulate your needs, let your partner know what you want from them and then give them space to step forward. Allow yourself to receive what your partner wants to give. If we are always in the space of why doesn’t He/she do this or that….. we don’t get to experience the way our partner loves. Know that the conditions you are putting on your partner are actually that parts of yourself that need your own attention and allow yourself to receive what your partner is giving to you.
  • Never make a rash decision in the heat of the moment you might regret later. Its normal to have arguments or to feel frustrated with your partner from time to time. This does not mean your relationships needs to end. Take the time you need to really understand what is going on for both of you before you make any decisions you cant change.

So with the nuptials over Harry and Meghan will now have to navigate the waters of married life. My they have smooth seas and just enough storms to teach them how to love each other really well.

And if the recent wedding fever in the media has called you to question whether its time to reconsider your single status then my advice is to be brave and boldly step back into the love game. You have everything to gain and probably like me still lots to learn!

The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return ~Eden Ahbez

Paula xx

Do you have questions? Would you like a little more support as you navigate your relationships? Did you know that I offer a few free 30min Intuitive insight sessions each month where we can talk about whats happening for you and unravel your experiences together. You can book your free spot here

 

Hello, this is your growth calling…..

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves” Viktor Frankl

There is a part of me who has for 48 years (my whole life) been searching. I have lived with curiosity and a desire to know more. Maybe you have too….

I seek a deep experience of life, of love, of my own human-ness and I enjoy exploring my own nature. I look at the way I respond to the world and the results I get, to try to understand my relationships, my feelings and what they mean for me and those I interact with.

I have named this my “call to growth”

I am called to grow in every way possible and as much as I have the capacity to do so I answer that call. Those who know me often say that I am strong but I know that in actual fact I am no stronger than anyone else. The difference is this deep desire to understand, make peace with and to grow through life’s experiences. The good, the bad and the heart breakingly difficult. I am a deep thinker, a deep feeler and in more recent times have come to know myself as intuitive and empathic.

I know that I am not alone in this. I know that many of you share my need to know more and that some of you out there reading this will be seeing your self in my words. You are recognising the part of you who seeks more of yourself, the part that desires a deep connection in your most important relationships, in your work and with life itself.

I suspect that your journey and process is somewhat similar to my own

  • You have likely been through events and relationships that cause you to feel that in some way you were inherently lacking, unworthy and not good enough to do, be and have the things that you desire.
  • You sometimes still feel that lack of worth and it’s quite likely that it is holding you back from doing the things you want to do.
  • You give more than you receive. The way this occurs may look different on the outside but in the end it’s all the same. Some of us give outwardly, always doing things for others first, some of us give ourselves to our jobs, overworking and burning out. Others over give in relationships, putting our own needs aside for our partners. We can often do that to such an extent that we lose our sense of identity to the relationship.
  • You may also have an interest in all things spiritual and you seek new ways of understanding yourself and the world. You feel energy in places and in people and in experiences.
  • You probably cry at movies or find it hard to watch the news
  • You also have times where all you can do is sit on the couch no matter how hard you will yourself to do all those things you “should” be doing
  • You love people and places and variety just as much as you love silence and alone time and routine.

I am writing this blog today because I want to celebrate the beauty and diversity of all of you. All of the seekers out there who are just like me, or just a little like me but are looking, questioning, feeling and embracing what life puts in front of them.

I want you to know that I walk alongside you and I see your struggles, I see your beauty and your deep feeling heart. I know what it is to be in a crowded room but to feel utterly alone. You are not foreign to me or alien or strange. You fit right in and I celebrate each and every moment you are embracing the call to grow. I am cheering you on from the sidelines and knowing that even in your darkest places the light eventually shines.

What I have learnt from my own callings is

  • That the world is full of people just like you and me. Allow yourself to open up to that and you will find yourself drawing them to you
  • Your personal care is a priority. Recognise when you need to stop working, giving, engaging and let yourself fill up on alone time to process your experiences and reflect on your growth
  • There are things you can do that support your call, like meditation, writing, walking, creating, and being in nature. Find the things that work for you and make them a regular part of your routine.
  • You are worthy beyond measure, more valuable than you can comprehend and there is magic in your existence. Never forget that, no matter how hard it is.
  • You are always doing way better than you think you are!

My curiosity, desire for growth has already lead me to many great self discoveries, along with some magical experiences and some very special relationships and I know there will be more to come. I also know there will be more dark days and more internal struggles. I surrender to that now, knowing deep within that there will once again be days when the sun shines and the water sparkles.

I feel blessed to be who I am and to have in my experience the desire to grow, to expand, to challenge my own thinking, to know more, to be more. To me this is the essence of what life is all about. This is my search for meaning.

Do you have questions? Would you like a little more support as you navigate your growth? Did you know that I offer a few free 30min Intuitive insight sessions each month where we can talk about whats happening for you and unravel your experiences together. You can book your free spot here

 

 

A Letter to my Lovely Clients….

Dear One,

I have been writing and re-writing this letter in my head for several days now. There are some things in my heart that I feel compelled to share with you. What I know about my compulsion to write is that if I don’t honor it, it will simply not leave me alone until I do. I have held back from this letter because it simply felt to silly to tell you, to vulnerable and really a little bit cheesy but it is my truth and it is for you.

I want to tell you how happy it makes me to be able to work with you, support you and to walk with you on your journey of creating your business. I love it that you have reached out to me for support and that I am able to serve you in this way. I have such a huge amount of respect for the challenges you have overcome to be where you are right now and for your commitment to meet your fears head on. I know and understand how hard this is for you because I have done it too and am doing it all over again!

I see your desire to feel connected to your purpose, to feel you are expressing yourself in your business and to create for yourself and your family a life of substance, a life lived in full colour and a life of meaningful success.

I know that like me you believe  in your dreams, that you can be the very best version of yourself, do what makes you happy and have success in every way possible. Knowing this about you inspires me to continue to learn and to grow so that I can be the very best support to you and your business. And learn and grow I have. These past few weeks have been a massive roller-coaster of change for me as I grow my business and create the foundations I need to be able to support you as much as I want too.I am committed to doing all that it takes to be the best possible business coach so that as you reach new heights in your business, I am also reaching them with you!

For me a big part of this journey is to be here to let you know that you are not alone. I know and understand how hard this is. I understand that you have days where you can’t see the woods for the trees and you feel like every choice you have made is wrong. I know what it feels like when everything is just out of reach and its a stretch to keep going and to make your business happen. I know how much courage it takes to face your fears, to look them in the eye and to feel your self shaking as you keep going anyway. I understand how much this costs you, financially, emotionally, physically and mentally. I know what you have given up for this and just how scary that is. But I  also know that nothing compares to the joy you feel with each and every little success that you have. I know that even on the hard days you really don’t want to go back because what you are creating right now is real and really you!.

When you look back at where you were just a few short months ago you cant help but agree with me that you have come a long way and achieved a great deal. I am so proud of what you are creating. I love that by living your dreams you give permission to others to do the same, as do I and together we are doing our bit to change the world! You are amazing and you are achieving amazing things!

I know that you are fiercely independent and that you are capable of moving mountains when you put your mind to it but I also know that its hard for you to ask for help and even harder sometimes for you to let your self receive it. I want you to always know that when you need support, when you are having a wobble that I believe in you and where you are going and I will do my very best to help you along the way. It’s as simple as reaching out. Please feel free to reach out, email, text send me a message on Facebook. Let me know what your roadblocks are, the challenges that are emerging for you, shout out your latest wins, your new plans, your desires and dreams, I am here for you.

I am really excited for whats ahead for both of us. The new programs I am creating, the community I am building with you and for you. Its my mission to lead you to deep experiences of success in your business and life. I believe in you and all that you are creating and I want you to know how much respect I have for you and your journey and how I value having you in my life. You are why I keep doing what I do!

Keep being you

Paula xx

 

 

Navigating your inner terrain…..

How much do you know of your inside? The core of you…What is really at the bottom of all the beliefs you hold about yourself?….all your preconceived ideas of the world and who you are in it…the choices you have made based on your conditioned experiences?

This is your inner landscape, the terrain of your heart, the place where your soul resides….do you know what it looks like?

I have been called to explore my own inner terrain this week, to climb my interior Mt Everest. This call came in the most innocuous and unexpected way. It wasn’t outstanding or miraculous, I was simply faced with one disappointment too many. I reached my tipping point!

Initially I was devastated and devastated in a way that was far more cavernous than the size of the actual disappointment which in the big scheme of things was entirely unremarkable. This small disappointment set of an avalanche of frustration, grief, sadness and despair that I had been totally unaware was waiting inside me on a hair-trigger. Waiting for just the right moment to go off. I was in pain. I was heartbroken. I cried and cried until my face ached.

And then suddenly I was empty

I was completely empty and not in a lonely I don’t know what to do with my exhausted and disappointed self way but in a peaceful, quiet, calm, you have reached the bottom of yourself way.

I have sat in this beautiful calm emptiness now for several days. I have been empty and laughing. I have been empty and joyful, empty and loving, empty and determined, empty and experiencing deep clarity and wonder. I am exploring the geography of my emptiness.

You see I am a passionate, driven, achieving, striving person. This is my modus operandi. This is what I have believed will get me what I want. I pour myself into people and projects and tasks and goals and relationships. This is who I have been all of my adult life. What happened a few days ago when I reached my tipping point was that I poured myself into one project too many and when it didn’t come off their was nothing of me left. I had run out of striving and achieving. I had run out of passion for all of the things that I used to think were important, of value and what I most desired.

If you have read this far I suspect you are wondering where this is going….to be honest I am not really sure but what I do know is that finding my empty has been liberating, possibly as liberating as reaching the summit of that mountain you have wanted to climb your whole life. I am no longer constrained by all the ideals and ideas I once thought important, defining and pivotal. I am free of the values my conditioning and experiences where holding me to.

My inside, my inner terrain feels spacious, new and yet to be discovered. I feel I can let go of expectations for myself and from others. This is where I leave behind all that I was and discover who it is I am and what I want to bring forward. Nothing is holding me back or weighing me down yet I feel no demands to rush forward.

I am enjoying this inner sanctuary, my personal mountain top. When I think about what might be ahead I feel no fear or apprehension. I feel a smile open on my face. Striving has been replaced with allowing. Action has been replaced with exploration. Fear becomes a deep trust in the internal restructuring that is occurring. I am not who I once was and I am not who I will ultimately become. It just is how it is….and its lovely.

Time to explore the hills and valleys, the mountains and rivers and oceans of myself. I am my own adventurer, pouring myself into myself.

Have you explored your inner landscape? Feel free to share in the comments below

Changing the world is an Inside job!

About 8 years ago, I picked up a book in a bookshop in Invercargill. That book gave me a message that I needed to hear. “change the way you view things and the things you view will change” I felt inspired by those word, so inspired in fact that I wrote them on my hallway mirror so that I would see them every day and not forget them. They are still on my mirror today.

Those words helped me to realise that the world was not responsible for the things that were happening in my life, I was. The fullness of what this meant has taken some time to really sink it. I have oscillated from taking responsibility for everything in my life back to blaming my circumstances and those around me. Recently I am feeling this message at a new and deeper level.

The man who wrote those words and that book passed away this week and began a new journey in spirit. Dr Wayne Dyer was and inspired writer, teacher, speaker and human being. He changed the world, he started with himself.

My life, your life, is like the words on my mirror and like the mirror itself. Life is a reflection. when we don’t like what is reflected back we have a choice. We can shift our perception and change the way we view things or we can change ourselves. Both of these choices work. What doesn’t work is continuing to do what you have always done. If you don’t like your current results then why keep repeating them?

There is something in my life that I don’t like…..it has been bugging me for a while. Being strong. Yes, really…. I don’t like being strong. Being strong has brought forth experiences in my life that I have had to endure, power my way through, survive. People say to me with admiration you are so strong, you are such a strong person. I know they say this as a compliment but to me it is a reflection of what I don’t want. Being strong does not allow me my vulnerability or tenderness. It does not allow me to be supported and cared for. Being strong does not allow me to receive and to give in the way that I truly want to in the depths of my being.

What I have learnt from Dr Wayne Dyer and many of the other teachers in my life is that if you want to change the world the best place to start is with yourself.

If you want to see more peace make peace with yourself, be more peaceful

If you want more love, be more loving to yourself.

If you want more tenderness be tender with yourself.

If you want to feel supported then offer yourself support.

Ironically the hardest things are the simplest things. For me to let go of strong I need to embrace my vulnerability, my gentleness, my tenderness. I need to offer myself support and caring. This is going to take a lot of strength! lucky I am good at that 🙂 I can continue to view being strong as an obstacle to getting what I want or I can view it as a gift to support me to be all that I am.

So If you have ever watched the things that happen in your life and in the world in general and felt helpless or wondered “what can I do to change this” you can start changing the world from the inside. You can start by choosing You.

Be self loving, be generous with yourself, be more peaceful with yourself. Go within and choose YOU, this is where you can truly create a change that will spread ripples out into the world.

Let me know how it goes as I’m sure I will in future posts

Paula x

There is a well of love inside you….

I woke up at 213am this morning to the sound of snow silence. I always know the sound of snow because its so incredibly quiet outside. I got up and sure enough my lawn was coated in white. The snow silence made me think about the silence I find inside when I meditate. Its a different kind of quiet but similar in a way. This then made me think about love. Ahh the things that go through your head in the wee hours of the morning!

Relationships are hard, this is a truth. There is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow when it comes to love. Love teaches you about all of your strengths and all of your weaknesses. I tend to love hard and sadly I have loved and lost and loved and lost a number of times. For me love and loss are intimately entwined. The fear of losing someone I love is very loud for me currently, having lost my last love to cancer.

This morning, in the wee hours, I started to write about this fear and how crippling it is for me. I liken it to pavlov’s dog, to fear loss when I feel love is my conditioned response. Yet having lost someone I loved very deeply has also gifted me many blessings. It has shown me my strength, my resilience and my instinct to survive. It gave me my voice, my writing, through which I can express things I feel but cannot always say out loud. It has taught me the true value of love. I have learnt that loss is a transit, a gateway, a new birth.

The lesson of my early morning wake up was a pertinent reminder that fear of loss in love can also be an indication that we are looking to another to meet our need for love. It is easy to look for love outside or yourself especially when someone comes along who makes you feel special and seen. When we externalise our experience of love we will always be disappointed. Regardless of the strength of your relationship there will always be times when your partner does not meet your needs and you feel hungry for love. This can lead us to do and say things we later regret, it can turn even the most level-headed of us a little cray cray! However there is a reliable source of love that will always be there for you to turn, to even in your most difficult and unloveable moments. There is a reservoir inside you. A place where you can turn to feel the connection you desire. There is a place in your heart where love resides.

It took  me a long time to discover this and sometimes I still forget. Its difficult to explain how this even works but this is what it means to love yourself first! Some would call this source of love, spirit, or god or divine love. All in know is, that when you give yourself time to find that connection in your heart, to the well of love inside you, all things that previously felt impossible suddenly become possible. This place will feed you and heal you and hold you.

This is the place I draw from when I feel afraid. When I fear loss I go to this place within and I know that I will always have love regardless of external circumstances. This well of  love inside will sustain you and then you will have nothing to fear in giving yourself to another, for it will not be from a place of need but from a place of being whole.

So the next time you feel there is not enough love or you feel afraid, take a moment,, put your hand on your heart and rest there. Breathe and if you quietly allow it, get curious and explore, you will find this well of love resides in you also.

When daylight arrived this morning, the rain had all but melted the snow away. My lawn was back to its winter greenness but the love inside has not melted away with the snow, it is there always for me and also for you.

Paula xx

Acknowledging the Ebb and Flow….

Have you ever noticed how your life has an ebb and flow? Sometimes things flow easily and you feel that everything is in alignment. All your ducks are in a row, you’re on top of it all and making things happen. Then for some reason, out of the blue, it will all shift and change and you are in a much boggier place. You feel weighed down by your responsibilities and overwhelmed by all that you need to get done. Sometimes this shift will happen quite independently of any day to day changes in your life. You can one day feel good about exactly the same things that will tomorrow feel too hard to deal with. Sometimes you just begin to feel icky inside without any apparent reason.

I have been observing this pattern within myself recently and asking the question what really changes, what really causes this shift? How can we even out the ups and downs and come to a place of greater balance.

Bringing my awareness to this has made a difference, I have become very conscious of the internal shift when it occurs. Obviously there are external demands on our lives that can affect this massively but I have also noticed that the time and attention I give to myself and my own needs has an impact as well. How we respond in times when we feel heavy and less inspired holds the key

I have a daily routine. I meditate each morning for around 10 to 15mins. I write in my journal at night before I go to sleep. These two things change the way my day goes, they change how stressed I feel and they change the way I respond to the world.

I didn’t always do these things. Although the journaling has been with me on and off for many years. What I notice is that when life starts to move away from an easy flow it will generally coincide with letting something in my routine go. These small things I do each day are acts of self-care or self- love that help me to respond to what it is I am feeling in each and every moment and this in turn guides me to actions that are in alignment with who I am and where I want to go.

If I let my routine slide I will find myself sitting in the tension of being out of sync, out of flow and feeling but not quite getting to what it is that needs my care inside. In the past I have been so uncomfortable with the internal feeling of tension that I have tried to block it with food, or TV or a couple of glasses of wine. I will procrastinate and avoid and generally behave in a way that isn’t productive. I do these things to distract myself from the icky feeling of tension but they do not offer a solution, the tension remains and becomes louder.

Recently I have changed my approach. I now recognise the tension as a signal that I need more of myself that some part of me requires my attention and the best way to shift to a lighter frequency is to address that. I still resist taking action for a while and I need to approach myself gently with a hot bath or some gentle music. This will generally assist me to a deeper level of supporting myself to find what it is this tension is trying to tell me. I can move to journaling or meditation or sometimes, I just suddenly become aware of what it is I need to do.

We have some much more power to change our experience that we can ever imagine. Feeling a downward spiral in your energy is, in my experience a gift. There is gold there waiting to be revealed. It may be a need that is not being met or that some change is necessary, that you need to reach out for support or that you have drifted to far from what it is your heart truly desires.

Internal turmoil is an invitation to respond to life differently, to make another choice, a choice to support yourself especially the most vulnerable parts of you. The parts that carry your hopes and dreams and also your wounds. Each of these moments is a chance to heal inside to bring your dreams to life and to live deeper.

So I invite you to test your own waters. The next time you find you have shifted into a boggy energy or that you are out of the flow and feeling down or grumpy with life. Pause for a moment and ask yourself, what is it that I need? What is it within me that needs my attention? Try out a few small acts of self-care, a walk, a hot bath, or early night. Start the process of internal dialogue, love yourself enough to know you deserve your own time and attention and let me know in the comments below what changes for you…..what is revealed that you didn’t expect…. How quickly you are able to shift back to joy

Paula xx