Tag Archives: allowing

6 Years….

I have thought long and hard today about whether to share this letter from my journal I wrote this morning. Its a very personal outpouring of my feelings on the 6th Anniversary of my husband Ande’s passing. I am sharing this in the hope that its exactly what someone else needs to read…..Take a moment today to forget how annoying your partner is and just appreciate them for who they are and who they are not….do that for me xx

Dear Ande,

When I saw how beautiful it was this morning as I walked on to the beach with my coffee I cried. I cried becuase we never took enough time to share this kind of normal every day beauty together.

My life is not empty without you. My life was emptier without me. I have consciously worked on it these last 6 years, on building my relationship with myself, because ultimately even though you are missing in my life and I miss you, you werent my missing peice. I was.

Even if you were still here, this inner journey would have had to take place, for me to survive, for us to survive.

So much of who I am is a work in progress. Parts of me always will be.

I imagine I will always have this desire to stretch and to grow past the edges of myself and in lots of ways this is your legacy. Who I am is your legacy.

6 years ago I decided that. To make my life a tribute to you. To all they days you didnt get and to all the times you didnt share yourself, let yourself be seen, or recieve the love and respect others had for you.

You were special, your life was special, my life with you was special. I hope that you know that now. I hope that you know just how much you were loved.

I dont always get it right this legacy building. I have days when I choose to stay stuck rather than take the next step or to feel my feelings, or to stretch into my growth.

I dont always do the things I know I need to do. I am learning to show myself compassion in those times, to know that there is for me a tomorrow to try again.

I am learning to let my grief rise and fall like the tide as it needs too, my grief for you and for myself. They hold hands as they walk along the beach together.

I will never not miss you in my life. I am grateful for the way you still show up, in a dream, in a feeling or in something someone said.

I now know that missing you doesnt mean I cant have love and joy and happiness. Sometimes those things come because of missing you. The human heart, my heart, has the capacity to hold love and sadness in equal measure.

Our capacity to fill our lives with joy is only limited by the capacity with which we are prepared to be who we are. Thank you for showing me that.

In your absence you have taught me many things. The belief that you had in me has become the belief I have in myself. The love, trust and understanding you showed me have become the love, trust and understanding I show myself.

Losing you has opened within me a capacity to open to myself and to help others to open to themselves too.

Your life has blessed mine in ways neither of us could ever have imagined. Every person I help, every time I have the honor of leading someone home to the truth of who they are, you have that honor too. In honoring my clients I am honoring you.

Today I sit with sadness and beauty and loss and love and gratitude and pain and delight living in my heart in equal measure.

Thank you for walking by my side. Thank you for reminding me every day to be a little more me. We were each others rocks and you are my rock still.

Today is for you and today is beautiful

Love always

Paula xx

 

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The Power of Letting go…..

For those of you who follow the “astrological” weather you will know that we have had quite a significant eclipse over the weekend. For me and many of you, this eclipse and the weeks leading up it has been all about letting go.

Letting go of patterns of behaviour that don’t serve you

Letting go of out dated ideas and ways of being

Letting go of self judgement

Letting go of controlling people and situations

Letting go of needing to know how it will all turn out.

Letting go of people, places and things that are no longer right for you

Letting go of defining yourself by your past

I’m sure if you are reading this then you will relate to at least one if not all of the above.

True change comes when we are really able to let go of what no longer serves us. To do this we must not only know and understand what it is that is holding us back but also what it is costing us to continue to think and act from this place.

We also have to get really comfortable with what life feels like without our old way of being, thinking and doing. Our limiting ideas, behaviours and beliefs can feel a lot like a small childs “blankie” there is comfort in the familiarity of what we know, even if we also know it’s not right for us.

Letting go can feel initially exposing. Like you are standing naked in front of a room full of people.  There is an opening between what we have let go and the new way of being that will replace it. This can feel scary but it is also your golden opportunity to embrace what it is you really want.

For me the letting go has been about releasing all of the ways Ihold myself back from life, love and creating what I want in my business.  In the opening between the letting go and what is next I have felt my heart expand with self compassion, self-love and self-care. I no longer feel the need to judge my results against those of other people or other people’s expectations.

The letting go has gifted me a new level of clarity that I hadn’t expected. I feel clearer about they ways in which I have limited myself. I feel less tangled in the web of my life and much more like I am guiding the ship.

I can see from this vantage point that my life to this point has been very much about love. Being loved, giving love, loving myself, supporting others to feel loved and to offer themselves love and compassion for their experience.

When I work with my clients I am guiding them back to their own hearts, supporting them to uncover what it is they hold deep inside. Allowing healing and lovingly witnessing that which needs to be healed.

I have heard said more than once that grief is the price of love and in my own life I know this to be true. However what this idea doesn’t offer is that grief is also the gift that opens you up to more love. Whenever we lose that which is important to us we have the opportunity to expand. To know that our heart has the capacity to not only heal but to also grow from the experience of loss. The truth is that loss never really leaves us, it remains in our hearts as a reminder of what we have healed and how much we have expanded our capacity to love.

In letting go we can experience this too. We can experience more love, more life and a greater sense of purpose.

Ultimately what I am trying to say here is don’t hold on too tightly to that which you need to let go. Dont let loss, fear or self judgement be the defining experiences in your life. Allow yourself to expand beyond that which has hurt you whether it is a physical experience or a self-limiting belief.

I promise that on the other side of letting go is more freedom and more love than you ever believed you can experience.

Let the power of letting go work its magic in your life.

Paula xx

Are you struggling to let go of what you know is holding you back? I offer a few free 30min Intuitive insight sessions each month where we can talk about whats happening for you and unravel your experiences together. You can book your free spot here

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What Love teaches you

Breakfast Blog#3 This blog post was written over a Salmon Bene Breakfast at Gentle Giant in Ferry Road Christchurch.

Love and Marriage……

Last weekend the world witnessed Harry marry Meghan.

In this day and age such a formal ceremony seems out of place and almost comical. But what doesn’t change is the unerring fact that we humans are driven in one way or another to find love, to couple and to commit. Love has changed but the desire to know we have at least one other human who will stand beside us and be on our team has not.

Some of us are more successful at this than others and I wonder how well Harry and Meghan’s bond will stand up against the pressures of public life.

At 48 and ½ I am not without my love scars. I married my first love at 23 and divorced him at 27. I spent a large part of my early thirties celibate by choice, love jaded, dazed and confused. I married again the week I turned 40 to my best friend and the man I believed I would grow old with, by 43 I was a widow.

The last couple of years has seen me dive once again into the world of romance and internet dating (I’m not sure that those two go together in a sentence!) and I have learnt that older does not necessarily make you wiser when it comes to love.  Why do we keep doing it? Why not give up on love altogether? Because deep down in my soul I know I am not meant to navigate this life solo and I suspect many of you feel the same.

AND I learn more about myself in relationships than in any other single part of my life.  All my most important life lessons have come from being in a relationship. Maybe my love life lessons can save you some pain!

Relationships have taught me….

  • It’s the things that really annoy you about your partner that you will miss the most when they are gone. This is the greatest truth I can share with you. It will break your heart that no one leaves wet towels on the floor or squeezes the toothpaste in the middle when it is over. This truth is amplified tenfold if your love passes away. My advice learn to let this stuff go. It eats away at the bond you have with your love and in the big scheme of things its so not important!
  • Its possible to love with a broken heart. Often we shie away from new relationships when we have been hurt or our lover has died. We think that it will be too painful, we are afraid to risk the hurt again. By holding yourself back from love because of painful experiences you lose the opportunity to know that your heart can expand and heal and hold both painful and joyful experiences side by side. You lose the opportunity to build resilience and you may also be missing out on something really really special
  • Triggers are your roadmap to your own soul. When you fall in love, your partner will trigger you something shocking. You will feel that they don’t care enough, or that they don’t show you affection enough or that they just don’t understand you. You will likely use these ideas as an excuse to start a fight or even to end something that has the potential to be really lifechanging. When your partner triggers all your fears and neediness this is your soul calling you to take care of yourself. I didn’t really understand this until recently. I had experienced it a number of times and had begun to believe that I just needed too much from a relationship. But when I allowed myself to stand back from the situation I was able to see that it was a part of me that needed my attention. It was not my partner withholding or not giving. I needed myself, I needed something only I could give me.
  • Letting yourself receive will bring you unexpected joy. Relationships are about giving and receiving. In a perfect world we would get this in balance, sometimes giving sometimes receiving but the reality is some of us tend to overgive and/or deflect rather than receive. We can also fall prey to the habit of putting conditions on what we are prepared to receive. Our partner can give us all the hugs in the world but if we really want them to tell us how they feel or to help around the house those hugs will feel empty and probably make you angry. You have some choices here…. Articulate your needs, let your partner know what you want from them and then give them space to step forward. Allow yourself to receive what your partner wants to give. If we are always in the space of why doesn’t He/she do this or that….. we don’t get to experience the way our partner loves. Know that the conditions you are putting on your partner are actually that parts of yourself that need your own attention and allow yourself to receive what your partner is giving to you.
  • Never make a rash decision in the heat of the moment you might regret later. Its normal to have arguments or to feel frustrated with your partner from time to time. This does not mean your relationships needs to end. Take the time you need to really understand what is going on for both of you before you make any decisions you cant change.

So with the nuptials over Harry and Meghan will now have to navigate the waters of married life. My they have smooth seas and just enough storms to teach them how to love each other really well.

And if the recent wedding fever in the media has called you to question whether its time to reconsider your single status then my advice is to be brave and boldly step back into the love game. You have everything to gain and probably like me still lots to learn!

The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return ~Eden Ahbez

Paula xx

Do you have questions? Would you like a little more support as you navigate your relationships? Did you know that I offer a few free 30min Intuitive insight sessions each month where we can talk about whats happening for you and unravel your experiences together. You can book your free spot here

 

Allowing 2018

Welcome to your New year!

Its been 12 months since we found ourselves at the beginning again but here we are….

I am conscious of how different this January feels for me to all of the January’s gone by. I have welcomed January with fervour in the past. I have loved that “day before the first day if school” feeling that new years have….that excitement of new possibilities just around the corner. I often rush at January with a big agenda of dreams and schemes to be birthed in the months ahead. But this year feels different….can you feel it too?

Don’t get me wrong January 2018 is very welcome after the mental and emotional demands of an enormous 2017. I have just as many possibilities for creation bubbling under the surface but this January feels gentler and softer in its unfolding.

January 2018 has me very much in a space of allowing. Allowing what is, rather than battling what isn’t. The era of hustle is gone. January 2018 is all heart after the heady mental energy of 2017.

So with a sigh of relief I relax into this gentle January and allow myself to dream and to breathe and  to let what wants to come forward arrive.

And when those echoes of 2017 come calling, asking me, pressuring me and should-ing me, I take a deep soul filling breath, pour a cup of tea and go out into my garden to watch mother nature allow herself to unfold.

Wishing you all a divinely gentle January

Paula xx

Did you know that I offer a few free 30min Intuitive insight sessions each month where we can talk about whats happening for you and unravel your experiences together. You can book your free spot here