Tag Archives: Freedom

6 Years….

I have thought long and hard today about whether to share this letter from my journal I wrote this morning. Its a very personal outpouring of my feelings on the 6th Anniversary of my husband Ande’s passing. I am sharing this in the hope that its exactly what someone else needs to read…..Take a moment today to forget how annoying your partner is and just appreciate them for who they are and who they are not….do that for me xx

Dear Ande,

When I saw how beautiful it was this morning as I walked on to the beach with my coffee I cried. I cried becuase we never took enough time to share this kind of normal every day beauty together.

My life is not empty without you. My life was emptier without me. I have consciously worked on it these last 6 years, on building my relationship with myself, because ultimately even though you are missing in my life and I miss you, you werent my missing peice. I was.

Even if you were still here, this inner journey would have had to take place, for me to survive, for us to survive.

So much of who I am is a work in progress. Parts of me always will be.

I imagine I will always have this desire to stretch and to grow past the edges of myself and in lots of ways this is your legacy. Who I am is your legacy.

6 years ago I decided that. To make my life a tribute to you. To all they days you didnt get and to all the times you didnt share yourself, let yourself be seen, or recieve the love and respect others had for you.

You were special, your life was special, my life with you was special. I hope that you know that now. I hope that you know just how much you were loved.

I dont always get it right this legacy building. I have days when I choose to stay stuck rather than take the next step or to feel my feelings, or to stretch into my growth.

I dont always do the things I know I need to do. I am learning to show myself compassion in those times, to know that there is for me a tomorrow to try again.

I am learning to let my grief rise and fall like the tide as it needs too, my grief for you and for myself. They hold hands as they walk along the beach together.

I will never not miss you in my life. I am grateful for the way you still show up, in a dream, in a feeling or in something someone said.

I now know that missing you doesnt mean I cant have love and joy and happiness. Sometimes those things come because of missing you. The human heart, my heart, has the capacity to hold love and sadness in equal measure.

Our capacity to fill our lives with joy is only limited by the capacity with which we are prepared to be who we are. Thank you for showing me that.

In your absence you have taught me many things. The belief that you had in me has become the belief I have in myself. The love, trust and understanding you showed me have become the love, trust and understanding I show myself.

Losing you has opened within me a capacity to open to myself and to help others to open to themselves too.

Your life has blessed mine in ways neither of us could ever have imagined. Every person I help, every time I have the honor of leading someone home to the truth of who they are, you have that honor too. In honoring my clients I am honoring you.

Today I sit with sadness and beauty and loss and love and gratitude and pain and delight living in my heart in equal measure.

Thank you for walking by my side. Thank you for reminding me every day to be a little more me. We were each others rocks and you are my rock still.

Today is for you and today is beautiful

Love always

Paula xx

 

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The Power of Letting go…..

For those of you who follow the “astrological” weather you will know that we have had quite a significant eclipse over the weekend. For me and many of you, this eclipse and the weeks leading up it has been all about letting go.

Letting go of patterns of behaviour that don’t serve you

Letting go of out dated ideas and ways of being

Letting go of self judgement

Letting go of controlling people and situations

Letting go of needing to know how it will all turn out.

Letting go of people, places and things that are no longer right for you

Letting go of defining yourself by your past

I’m sure if you are reading this then you will relate to at least one if not all of the above.

True change comes when we are really able to let go of what no longer serves us. To do this we must not only know and understand what it is that is holding us back but also what it is costing us to continue to think and act from this place.

We also have to get really comfortable with what life feels like without our old way of being, thinking and doing. Our limiting ideas, behaviours and beliefs can feel a lot like a small childs “blankie” there is comfort in the familiarity of what we know, even if we also know it’s not right for us.

Letting go can feel initially exposing. Like you are standing naked in front of a room full of people.  There is an opening between what we have let go and the new way of being that will replace it. This can feel scary but it is also your golden opportunity to embrace what it is you really want.

For me the letting go has been about releasing all of the ways Ihold myself back from life, love and creating what I want in my business.  In the opening between the letting go and what is next I have felt my heart expand with self compassion, self-love and self-care. I no longer feel the need to judge my results against those of other people or other people’s expectations.

The letting go has gifted me a new level of clarity that I hadn’t expected. I feel clearer about they ways in which I have limited myself. I feel less tangled in the web of my life and much more like I am guiding the ship.

I can see from this vantage point that my life to this point has been very much about love. Being loved, giving love, loving myself, supporting others to feel loved and to offer themselves love and compassion for their experience.

When I work with my clients I am guiding them back to their own hearts, supporting them to uncover what it is they hold deep inside. Allowing healing and lovingly witnessing that which needs to be healed.

I have heard said more than once that grief is the price of love and in my own life I know this to be true. However what this idea doesn’t offer is that grief is also the gift that opens you up to more love. Whenever we lose that which is important to us we have the opportunity to expand. To know that our heart has the capacity to not only heal but to also grow from the experience of loss. The truth is that loss never really leaves us, it remains in our hearts as a reminder of what we have healed and how much we have expanded our capacity to love.

In letting go we can experience this too. We can experience more love, more life and a greater sense of purpose.

Ultimately what I am trying to say here is don’t hold on too tightly to that which you need to let go. Dont let loss, fear or self judgement be the defining experiences in your life. Allow yourself to expand beyond that which has hurt you whether it is a physical experience or a self-limiting belief.

I promise that on the other side of letting go is more freedom and more love than you ever believed you can experience.

Let the power of letting go work its magic in your life.

Paula xx

Are you struggling to let go of what you know is holding you back? I offer a few free 30min Intuitive insight sessions each month where we can talk about whats happening for you and unravel your experiences together. You can book your free spot here

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Allowing 2018

Welcome to your New year!

Its been 12 months since we found ourselves at the beginning again but here we are….

I am conscious of how different this January feels for me to all of the January’s gone by. I have welcomed January with fervour in the past. I have loved that “day before the first day if school” feeling that new years have….that excitement of new possibilities just around the corner. I often rush at January with a big agenda of dreams and schemes to be birthed in the months ahead. But this year feels different….can you feel it too?

Don’t get me wrong January 2018 is very welcome after the mental and emotional demands of an enormous 2017. I have just as many possibilities for creation bubbling under the surface but this January feels gentler and softer in its unfolding.

January 2018 has me very much in a space of allowing. Allowing what is, rather than battling what isn’t. The era of hustle is gone. January 2018 is all heart after the heady mental energy of 2017.

So with a sigh of relief I relax into this gentle January and allow myself to dream and to breathe and  to let what wants to come forward arrive.

And when those echoes of 2017 come calling, asking me, pressuring me and should-ing me, I take a deep soul filling breath, pour a cup of tea and go out into my garden to watch mother nature allow herself to unfold.

Wishing you all a divinely gentle January

Paula xx

Did you know that I offer a few free 30min Intuitive insight sessions each month where we can talk about whats happening for you and unravel your experiences together. You can book your free spot here

 

Feeling the call…….an invitation to action

I wrote today’s blog post on Sunday 23rd July, just over 30 days ago. Although at the time I wrote this post I did not publish it I did follow my own invitation to solitude. What has unfolded for me over the last 30 days has been an amazing illustration of the benefits of exactly what i wrote about in this post. I have greater clarity, I have followed my own guidance to refresh my branding and make small but important changes in my business. As a result I am happier, more engaged with my work and working and plying with a new sense of Joy and energy. I invite you to join me……………..

 

Lately I’ve been feeling the call. Soul Whispers, internal urges, that lingering sensation that it is time.

Being a widow with no children, I have a love /hate relationships with my alone-ness. As much as I crave company I also crave solitude. You would think that a person in my situation would have alone-time sorted but true solitude is not just about being the only person in the room.

It asks us to be present with whatever we are holding inside, good or bad.

For the past few weeks I have had house guests and i have allowed them to become my convenient excuse. My excuse to not meditate and to deny myself true moments of solitude.

I become aware again of my perfectionism….my need for the perfect set of circumstances to align before I set aside my Busy-ness (even when alone) and settle into some moments with myself.

What I find there in my solitude is a chance to fill up on myself, to feel the presence of my soul self and to reconnect with all that is within and around me.

It is in this place that i can draw from when I am stuck or confused or in need of some clarity. It is in this place that my intuition, desires and heart reside.

I ask myself why I avoid deep drinks from the well of solitude and my answer is a rising tangle of fear and excitement. I am afraid of the power of what lies within me, of the depth of my own presence and what it asks me to bring forward.

This age old oscillation of fear/intuition/power/darkness/light and ego is present within all of us and can manifest visibly in procrastination, resistance and putting everyone else before we give to ourselves.

This reluctance to truly own the power of our presence, keep us small, dims our light, dampens our creativity and stands in the way of our success.

Today I take a stand and say “No More” no more dulling our magnificence!

Join me in a commitment to the self and all that reveals

Join me in a conscious movement closer to yourself, your heart, your power.

Join me in action by taking steps on what is revealed

join me in walking in the face of fear and discomfort.

Join me in finding more joy, more clarity and inspiration in solitude.

Join me in the magic of rediscovering yourself!

21 Days of Solitude

Join me each day for the next 21 days as I carve out moments of solitude and share the experience on Instagram using #21daysofsolitude 

What Letting Go Reveals…..

Has your vision for you life and business become clouded?

Do you sometimes feel that you are getting in the way of your own success?

What would happen if you just let go? 

Todays blog is about the surprising benefits of letting go and the freedom it can bring you in your business and your life.

Letting go has been the dominant theme for me this year and as we hit the full moon earlier this month I found myself releasing more than I had ever imagined I was holding on to.

Early this year I made the decision to sell the home I had shared with my late husband and to find a new home for both myself and my business. My home sold quickly and I was forced to acknowledge that a huge amount of physical clearing needed to occur before I could actually move. Knowing this process would take some weeks to complete and with a strong desire to begin my new life free from the weight of possessions that didn’t belong to me, I gave myself permission to step back from my business and to continue to serve my existing clients but to let go of all of the demands of marketing. promoting and growing my business.

I focused on the process of lovingly going through my late husbands tools and equipment and items that he had collected over his 45 years of life and finding new homes and new people who appreciated them to pass them onto.

What I learnt from the process of letting go of these possessions was that clearing the clutter on a physical level will reveal a layer of mental clutter, internal belongings, beliefs and patterns that are also waiting to be cleared.

There was an invitation to let go on another level. To let go of everything that is holding you back from being who you are.

Tied up with these physical possessions was a letting go of where I had thought my life “should” be and who “should” be in it. In letting go of “shoulds” came an acceptance of what is.

I have come face to face with my perfectionism, the need for a set of perfect circumstances to arise before I can act.

I was able to see with crystal clarity the patterns that led me away from myself and from where I most want to be.

The root of procrastination and resistance rose up to met me, revealing all the ways in which I sabotage myself and hold myself back.

So why do we have all these internal scripts and processes that we hold on to?

Why do we let this internal junk get in the way of or goals, dreams and deepest desires?

Your stuff, the things that hold you back, the limits you place on yourself are a hardwired protection mechanism shaped by your early experiences. Your young self unable to make sense of the world around you developed a highly specialised system of checks and brakes to save you from the pain of loss, failure, rejection and to set you up for the best chance of fitting in and receiving love.

Call this your ego or your monkey mind, your bad habits, this hand brake to success exists in all of us.

However, just as I have recently experienced we are able to let go of what no longer serves us on both a physical and an emotional level.

To do this we must acknowledge deeply these patterns and make peace with them. Understand how they have served us and thank them for their gifts before the process of letting go is truly complete. For me this was true even though my process was an unexpected side effect of letting go of physical belongings.

What I am left with is lightness and a freshness. I am seeing with new eyes and a new way of being is revealed to me. I have clarity.

The feeling of being weighed down and the desire to feel free of self-imposed limits is not unique to me. I see this in my clients, my friends, my wider networks.

We all have within us the ability to achieve the life we dream of, so ask yourself the question………. What’s getting in the way? What do I need to let go of?

Get curious, become an explorer of your own internal landscape.

The mountain may seem high but the view from the top is incomparable.

Its time to just let go………

I’d love to hear your experiences of letting go, feel free to share in the comments below. If you feel like you’d like some more support with what you need to let go of you can book a free clarity call with me here or visit my website here

 

 

 

The gifts of 10 days Blogging

Today is the last day of the 10 day blogging challenge I have been participating in. As I reflect on the last 10 days its clear that this challenge gave me more than I had expected. It has increased the traffic through my blog, it has increased the number of people following my blog, it has increased traffic to my website and also engagement on my business Facebook page. All great benefits, however the greatest benefits are more personal.

Since I began this blog 3 years ago I have had a fairly consistent routine to my writing. It was a ritual for me. Initially I would write monthly and then it became weekly. For the last 10 days I have been here writing each day.

To participate in this challenge I have had to change my approach to writing in a number of ways.

I had to let go of feeling that I needed inspiration to strike before I could write, learning that sometimes inspiration occurs during the process.

I have had to get comfortable with posting on a topic I didn’t really want to write about and also with posting when I wasn’t sure if it was worth reading or that it was even any good. Learning to let go of the need for my writing to be perfect and that I am my harshest critic when it comes to what I write. Letting my voice be heard regardless of whether I judged it to be “good ” or not has allowed me to relax my writing style and also the pressure I feel “get it right”

I have let go of the need for the right environment and circumstances to be present before I could begin writing. It has challenged me to write in different environments and regardless of what else is occurring in my life.

It has asked me to re- examine my beliefs around what I was doing in my business and to really connect with what it is I want to create. I loved Day 2 and 3, connecting with my why and my perfect day and allowing myself to share that with the world.

It has asked me to do many of the things I ask my clients to do but forget to do for myself

It has helped me to share my story and express who I am.

This experience has taken me outside my writing comfort zone and that can only ever be good for my writing and those who read it!

I love that writing gives me a way of connecting with people and also to express what goes through my head on a daily basis.

I think a lot and I feel a lot and I have a strong desire to help people. Sharing my thoughts on this blog has helps me to feel that somehow somewhere I am reaching out and touching someone. That maybe my experience or perspective can be of benefit.

This challenge has allowed me to do that in a much freer more unstructured way and I know that that will lead me to write more, connect more, help more and feel more fulfilled in what I am doing.

And last but not least it gave me a chance to really consider why Freedom is my word for the year, what that really means to me and how I can feel it in my life each and every day.

I hope you have enjoyed the ride for the last 10 days. Gold stars if you have read them all! Rest assured this will not be the last you hear from me, in fact far from it.

If you would like support to connect with what you really want to create, to step outside your comfort zone and to feel more expressed in your work then I’d love to chat. Book a free Clarity call here or visit my website www.paulamcfarlane.com

This blog post is in response to Natalie’s 10 Day Freedom Plan Blog Challenge Day 10

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Working Holiday or Holiday working?

Imagine yourself in Portugal….Imagine yourself in Indonesia…..Imagine yourself in Spain… You are on holiday, seeing the sights, sipping the local wine/cocktails/fruit juice, enjoying the sunshine and relaxed pace. Sounds idyllic doesn’t it? So how do you have this and run your business too? How do you take your business on the road with you?

This is my intention…to create a business that is location independent. Why would I want to do that? A couple of reasons. I like the scenery to change and also I see myself wanting to continue to do what I love long into my retirement. I don’t want to have to choose to give up my job to travel. I don’t want to have to say no to adventure because I need to be somewhere or I don’t have leave owing.

The past few years I have traveled quite a bit and its during this time that I started my blog. Being away on holiday hasn’t stopped me from writing. In fact I  probably write more taking inspiration from the places I am visiting and the things I see around me. So how about working with clients? this is something I am yet to try. I am comfortable with skype and zoom and use these platforms to coach clients  but by far the majority of my clients are face to face. This is the way my business has evolved at this point. I don’t see this as a limiting factor in my business at this stage. I am pretty confident that if I needed to I could switch my clients over to the virtual world.

Travelling and working also opens up new possibilities for how my business could evolve. What experiences could I offer in the location I am traveling too? Is it an opportunity for me to run a workshop somewhere else in the world? Is it a chance to host a retreat? Something I have always wanted to do.

To work effectively while travelling will require a similar level of discipline as my current situation of working from home. Carving out time for various tasks each week to ensure that they are done would still need to be a priority. Looking at what works better when travelling is what I would explore. Does it feel good to spend a small focused amount of time each day working and then to have the rest of the day free or would I be better to schedule a loberg work session every 2 or 3 days. This I am yet to discover and explore.

I would like to publicly set then intention here on this blog to schedule a holiday in the next 12 months that also includes some work time. I invite the miracle of how this will unfold for me into my life and welcome it with open arms. You might want to pencil in a visit to this blog next September to see how it went or to hold be to account. I would like that!

One of the great gifts of my job as a Business Coach is that I get to support people to create a business that fits with their dream for their life. I get to see their business idea emerge, be nurtured into life and to take them where they want to go. I get to support others to get clear on what they want and whats getting in the way of that. I get to see the miracle of moving through a block unfold its potential in someone’s life and business. I feel blessed to have these experiences and also grateful that it inspires me to continue to breathe life into my own dreams to keep the fire burning within my own belly. What would I ever want a holiday from that !

If you would like to get clear on whats holding you back in your life and biz book a free clarity call here or visit my website www.paulamcfarlane.com

This blog post is in response to Natalie’s 10 Day Freedom Plan Blog Challenge Day 9

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