Category Archives: Love

A Letter to my Lovely Clients….

Dear One,

I have been writing and re-writing this letter in my head for several days now. There are some things in my heart that I feel compelled to share with you. What I know about my compulsion to write is that if I don’t honor it, it will simply not leave me alone until I do. I have held back from this letter because it simply felt to silly to tell you, to vulnerable and really a little bit cheesy but it is my truth and it is for you.

I want to tell you how happy it makes me to be able to work with you, support you and to walk with you on your journey of creating your business. I love it that you have reached out to me for support and that I am able to serve you in this way. I have such a huge amount of respect for the challenges you have overcome to be where you are right now and for your commitment to meet your fears head on. I know and understand how hard this is for you because I have done it too and am doing it all over again!

I see your desire to feel connected to your purpose, to feel you are expressing yourself in your business and to create for yourself and your family a life of substance, a life lived in full colour and a life of meaningful success.

I know that like me you believe  in your dreams, that you can be the very best version of yourself, do what makes you happy and have success in every way possible. Knowing this about you inspires me to continue to learn and to grow so that I can be the very best support to you and your business. And learn and grow I have. These past few weeks have been a massive roller-coaster of change for me as I grow my business and create the foundations I need to be able to support you as much as I want too.I am committed to doing all that it takes to be the best possible business coach so that as you reach new heights in your business, I am also reaching them with you!

For me a big part of this journey is to be here to let you know that you are not alone. I know and understand how hard this is. I understand that you have days where you can’t see the woods for the trees and you feel like every choice you have made is wrong. I know what it feels like when everything is just out of reach and its a stretch to keep going and to make your business happen. I know how much courage it takes to face your fears, to look them in the eye and to feel your self shaking as you keep going anyway. I understand how much this costs you, financially, emotionally, physically and mentally. I know what you have given up for this and just how scary that is. But I  also know that nothing compares to the joy you feel with each and every little success that you have. I know that even on the hard days you really don’t want to go back because what you are creating right now is real and really you!.

When you look back at where you were just a few short months ago you cant help but agree with me that you have come a long way and achieved a great deal. I am so proud of what you are creating. I love that by living your dreams you give permission to others to do the same, as do I and together we are doing our bit to change the world! You are amazing and you are achieving amazing things!

I know that you are fiercely independent and that you are capable of moving mountains when you put your mind to it but I also know that its hard for you to ask for help and even harder sometimes for you to let your self receive it. I want you to always know that when you need support, when you are having a wobble that I believe in you and where you are going and I will do my very best to help you along the way. It’s as simple as reaching out. Please feel free to reach out, email, text send me a message on Facebook. Let me know what your roadblocks are, the challenges that are emerging for you, shout out your latest wins, your new plans, your desires and dreams, I am here for you.

I am really excited for whats ahead for both of us. The new programs I am creating, the community I am building with you and for you. Its my mission to lead you to deep experiences of success in your business and life. I believe in you and all that you are creating and I want you to know how much respect I have for you and your journey and how I value having you in my life. You are why I keep doing what I do!

Keep being you

Paula xx

 

 

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2015’s Last Post…

Its pretty standard at this time of the year to reflect on the past 12 months and to begin to anticipate what lies ahead as we turn the page to a fresh New year. I’m sure many of you having been doing this over the last few days, some of you looking forward to the year being over, others madly setting goals for what 2016 will be.

As I have been formulating this blog post over the last few days I too have been reviewing my year and the gifts and challenges it delivered. I have felt called to review my writing and in particular a blog post I wrote just over a year ago  “No more cardboard moments”  This blog post was about what makes life memorable and how easy it can be to live on the surface of life, not really engaging with your experience. At the time I wrote it I felt a strong desire to be fully present, to soak up every second and to make sure my moments were memorable. I can certainly say the 2015 has delivered on this front. I have felt more connected, more alive and happier than ever before.

My personal theme for 2015 was “going deeper” I wanted a deeper connection to myself, to my work, to spirit, to the people in my life and to life itself and to be deeply present with what life delivered.

I have discovered a new level of enjoyment and satisfaction in my work. I have had time to notice those urges and ideas that flit through my brain on a regular basis. A new level of connection with what I do and what I desire has emerged.

Deepening into the present moment has bought the added joy of increasing and deepening my friendships and has drawn new relationships into my life. I have more people in my life that I can be completely real with than ever before. I have also experienced subtle shifts with complete strangers. More people on the street offering a good morning when I am out for my walk and after years of weekly airplane travel where I would put my head down and actively discourage communication from those around me, I have been treated to fascinating travel companions keen to share their story. Even the checkout operator at the supermarket has had a kind smile and a more genuine enquiry of my day.

All this makes me wonder about that way the world works. I have a quote written on my hallway mirror ” change the way you view things and the things you view will change” This has proven to be true in my life over and over. When we shift our perspective we are rewarded with greater understanding, a deeper experience of all that life has to offer but the outside appearance of our life is still exactly the same.

Instead of waiting for things to change, bemoaning that which isn’t there is a constant invitation to shift your experience, to weave a richer fabric from your everyday. 2015 has presented me with many opportunities to do just that.This year has delivered me some truly magic moments some of them in the simplest of circumstances.

I have also been challenged to step outside my comfort zone, to confront my fears full on. I have had to accept that I can and often do isolate myself. I actively lessen my ability to experience the life I desire because it scares me. It is easier for me to stay safely secluded in my own world than it is to venture out into the richer, deeper life I desire.  Going deeper asks us to be more real, to own our feelings and to ask for what we truly want. I have had to take steps forward, to be honest with myself and others and to confront the terror of having what I really want.

Desire is an interesting animal. While we are without the object of our desire we have it as our sole focus, it distracts us from “what is” with what “could be”. When we get what we want we no longer have that distraction and it can be very disarming to fully immerse yourself in enjoying what its like to have that thing, to be present with it. We can almost become so addicted to wanting that we prefer that experience over deepening into having what it is we have wanted for so long.

I can safely say there have been no “cardboard moments” in 2015. I have lived life deep and in full colour. I have found true rewards in taking the risk to go confidently in the direction of my dreams. I am filled with gratitude for what this year has delivered me…the pleasure, the pain, the joy, the fear, the love, the grief, the frustration, the peace and the contentment. As I turn my thoughts to 2016 I know I want more of the same.

I invite 2016 to deliver me more deep experiences and connections, more love, more growth, more conscious creation and more space, time and freedom to enjoy it!

Bring on 2016!

What gifts did 2015 bring you? what are you inviting from 2016? I’d love to read about it in the comments below

Full Circle Moment….

Very seldom in life do we pause long enough to catch up with ourselves, with where we are at and what we have achieved, overcome, worked through and healed. We get so caught up in the doing we forget the importance of allowing time to just “be”. I pressed the pause button this week. Paused the craziness of my work schedule to spend a week on “Fiji time”

Fiji holds a very special place in my heart. I got married here. I have travelled here in the days after severe earthquakes at home, I have spent time here with my beloved late husband and also with dear friends. This place has wound its way around my heart with its warm air, sparkling waters and smiling people. Life is always on pause here. This visit has been extra special. I have had time to write and reflect and to meet up with parts of myself that were here in this place in a different time in my life.

I have travelled far and wide in my life since my first visit to this place, from the highest of highs to the depths of my grief. Recently my attention has been drawn to posts on my Facebook feed related to grief. They have told me “grief never ends” ” you never stop grieving ” ” you don’t get over you loss you just learn to live with it” I once felt deeply connected to these themes. They touched the core of my grieving but now they feel completely incongruent with my experience . My grief has ended. I no longer feel the deep loss I once felt.

Losing my husband and all of my dreams and plans for the future was unimaginably difficult but this trip to Fiji has shown me that where I once felt loss and grief I now feel a deep gratitude for all that Ande and the loss of Ande has brought into my life. I feel incredibly blessed to have had the time with him I did, blessed to have been a part of his life. Losing him has been both a life defining and life giving experience. It has given me back myself. It has shown me that there is so much more to be experienced and enjoyed in every moment than I ever believed possible.

So never let a Facebook feed or anyone else define the process of your grief. Your grief, your loss is yours alone. It is a painful and raw experience. It may be similiar to mine or it may be completely different. The way you grieve in no way diminishes the value of the life you have lost or the place that person held in your life. Allow yourself the full spectrum of your grief, gift that to yourself.

This time Fiji has gifted me what can only be described as a full circle moment. A moment so filled with gratitude and joy that tears come again to my eyes as I write about it. I found myself standing next to myself whole and complete and healed. No longer who I once was but happy so very very happy  and stronger and braver and freer than I have ever been. I found my joy bug!

I shed my old skin here, leaving behind the parts of myself I no longer need, that no longer serve me. When I leave tomorrow it will be with a full and grateful heart. Ready to step into the new and knowing that the next time I need to press the pause button Fiji will be here waiting for me.

Bula!

Paula

Navigating your inner terrain…..

How much do you know of your inside? The core of you…What is really at the bottom of all the beliefs you hold about yourself?….all your preconceived ideas of the world and who you are in it…the choices you have made based on your conditioned experiences?

This is your inner landscape, the terrain of your heart, the place where your soul resides….do you know what it looks like?

I have been called to explore my own inner terrain this week, to climb my interior Mt Everest. This call came in the most innocuous and unexpected way. It wasn’t outstanding or miraculous, I was simply faced with one disappointment too many. I reached my tipping point!

Initially I was devastated and devastated in a way that was far more cavernous than the size of the actual disappointment which in the big scheme of things was entirely unremarkable. This small disappointment set of an avalanche of frustration, grief, sadness and despair that I had been totally unaware was waiting inside me on a hair-trigger. Waiting for just the right moment to go off. I was in pain. I was heartbroken. I cried and cried until my face ached.

And then suddenly I was empty

I was completely empty and not in a lonely I don’t know what to do with my exhausted and disappointed self way but in a peaceful, quiet, calm, you have reached the bottom of yourself way.

I have sat in this beautiful calm emptiness now for several days. I have been empty and laughing. I have been empty and joyful, empty and loving, empty and determined, empty and experiencing deep clarity and wonder. I am exploring the geography of my emptiness.

You see I am a passionate, driven, achieving, striving person. This is my modus operandi. This is what I have believed will get me what I want. I pour myself into people and projects and tasks and goals and relationships. This is who I have been all of my adult life. What happened a few days ago when I reached my tipping point was that I poured myself into one project too many and when it didn’t come off their was nothing of me left. I had run out of striving and achieving. I had run out of passion for all of the things that I used to think were important, of value and what I most desired.

If you have read this far I suspect you are wondering where this is going….to be honest I am not really sure but what I do know is that finding my empty has been liberating, possibly as liberating as reaching the summit of that mountain you have wanted to climb your whole life. I am no longer constrained by all the ideals and ideas I once thought important, defining and pivotal. I am free of the values my conditioning and experiences where holding me to.

My inside, my inner terrain feels spacious, new and yet to be discovered. I feel I can let go of expectations for myself and from others. This is where I leave behind all that I was and discover who it is I am and what I want to bring forward. Nothing is holding me back or weighing me down yet I feel no demands to rush forward.

I am enjoying this inner sanctuary, my personal mountain top. When I think about what might be ahead I feel no fear or apprehension. I feel a smile open on my face. Striving has been replaced with allowing. Action has been replaced with exploration. Fear becomes a deep trust in the internal restructuring that is occurring. I am not who I once was and I am not who I will ultimately become. It just is how it is….and its lovely.

Time to explore the hills and valleys, the mountains and rivers and oceans of myself. I am my own adventurer, pouring myself into myself.

Have you explored your inner landscape? Feel free to share in the comments below

Changing the world is an Inside job!

About 8 years ago, I picked up a book in a bookshop in Invercargill. That book gave me a message that I needed to hear. “change the way you view things and the things you view will change” I felt inspired by those word, so inspired in fact that I wrote them on my hallway mirror so that I would see them every day and not forget them. They are still on my mirror today.

Those words helped me to realise that the world was not responsible for the things that were happening in my life, I was. The fullness of what this meant has taken some time to really sink it. I have oscillated from taking responsibility for everything in my life back to blaming my circumstances and those around me. Recently I am feeling this message at a new and deeper level.

The man who wrote those words and that book passed away this week and began a new journey in spirit. Dr Wayne Dyer was and inspired writer, teacher, speaker and human being. He changed the world, he started with himself.

My life, your life, is like the words on my mirror and like the mirror itself. Life is a reflection. when we don’t like what is reflected back we have a choice. We can shift our perception and change the way we view things or we can change ourselves. Both of these choices work. What doesn’t work is continuing to do what you have always done. If you don’t like your current results then why keep repeating them?

There is something in my life that I don’t like…..it has been bugging me for a while. Being strong. Yes, really…. I don’t like being strong. Being strong has brought forth experiences in my life that I have had to endure, power my way through, survive. People say to me with admiration you are so strong, you are such a strong person. I know they say this as a compliment but to me it is a reflection of what I don’t want. Being strong does not allow me my vulnerability or tenderness. It does not allow me to be supported and cared for. Being strong does not allow me to receive and to give in the way that I truly want to in the depths of my being.

What I have learnt from Dr Wayne Dyer and many of the other teachers in my life is that if you want to change the world the best place to start is with yourself.

If you want to see more peace make peace with yourself, be more peaceful

If you want more love, be more loving to yourself.

If you want more tenderness be tender with yourself.

If you want to feel supported then offer yourself support.

Ironically the hardest things are the simplest things. For me to let go of strong I need to embrace my vulnerability, my gentleness, my tenderness. I need to offer myself support and caring. This is going to take a lot of strength! lucky I am good at that 🙂 I can continue to view being strong as an obstacle to getting what I want or I can view it as a gift to support me to be all that I am.

So If you have ever watched the things that happen in your life and in the world in general and felt helpless or wondered “what can I do to change this” you can start changing the world from the inside. You can start by choosing You.

Be self loving, be generous with yourself, be more peaceful with yourself. Go within and choose YOU, this is where you can truly create a change that will spread ripples out into the world.

Let me know how it goes as I’m sure I will in future posts

Paula x

There is a well of love inside you….

I woke up at 213am this morning to the sound of snow silence. I always know the sound of snow because its so incredibly quiet outside. I got up and sure enough my lawn was coated in white. The snow silence made me think about the silence I find inside when I meditate. Its a different kind of quiet but similar in a way. This then made me think about love. Ahh the things that go through your head in the wee hours of the morning!

Relationships are hard, this is a truth. There is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow when it comes to love. Love teaches you about all of your strengths and all of your weaknesses. I tend to love hard and sadly I have loved and lost and loved and lost a number of times. For me love and loss are intimately entwined. The fear of losing someone I love is very loud for me currently, having lost my last love to cancer.

This morning, in the wee hours, I started to write about this fear and how crippling it is for me. I liken it to pavlov’s dog, to fear loss when I feel love is my conditioned response. Yet having lost someone I loved very deeply has also gifted me many blessings. It has shown me my strength, my resilience and my instinct to survive. It gave me my voice, my writing, through which I can express things I feel but cannot always say out loud. It has taught me the true value of love. I have learnt that loss is a transit, a gateway, a new birth.

The lesson of my early morning wake up was a pertinent reminder that fear of loss in love can also be an indication that we are looking to another to meet our need for love. It is easy to look for love outside or yourself especially when someone comes along who makes you feel special and seen. When we externalise our experience of love we will always be disappointed. Regardless of the strength of your relationship there will always be times when your partner does not meet your needs and you feel hungry for love. This can lead us to do and say things we later regret, it can turn even the most level-headed of us a little cray cray! However there is a reliable source of love that will always be there for you to turn, to even in your most difficult and unloveable moments. There is a reservoir inside you. A place where you can turn to feel the connection you desire. There is a place in your heart where love resides.

It took  me a long time to discover this and sometimes I still forget. Its difficult to explain how this even works but this is what it means to love yourself first! Some would call this source of love, spirit, or god or divine love. All in know is, that when you give yourself time to find that connection in your heart, to the well of love inside you, all things that previously felt impossible suddenly become possible. This place will feed you and heal you and hold you.

This is the place I draw from when I feel afraid. When I fear loss I go to this place within and I know that I will always have love regardless of external circumstances. This well of  love inside will sustain you and then you will have nothing to fear in giving yourself to another, for it will not be from a place of need but from a place of being whole.

So the next time you feel there is not enough love or you feel afraid, take a moment,, put your hand on your heart and rest there. Breathe and if you quietly allow it, get curious and explore, you will find this well of love resides in you also.

When daylight arrived this morning, the rain had all but melted the snow away. My lawn was back to its winter greenness but the love inside has not melted away with the snow, it is there always for me and also for you.

Paula xx

You are beautiful, You are Perfect, You are Loved…..

Where is your anchor point?

Where do you hang the hat of your self worth?

Do you look to the world to show you that you are valued?

Do you need the approval of others to feel love?

I overheard a conversation at the hairdressers the other day….One Mum asking another “what makes children tell lies?” the timing of this overhearing set off a series of clicks in my consciousness. I had had a week of observing some of the most important people in my world struggle with their own sense of self worth. I know this groove myself, like a well worn pair of shoes. The endless cycle of negative self talk, feeling unloved, struggling with body image, trying so hard to be perfect, looking for everyone else’s approval and never feeling good enough.

So how is this related to my overheard conversation? So much of our experience as an adult comes back to what occurred when we were small. This pattern of low self esteem and low self worth all begins with our attempts as small children to make our parents/grandparents/aunts/uncles/teachers happy.

A child will tell you a lie if that’s when they think you want to hear. As a child you learn very quickly what elicits a positive response from the world around you,and also what will ellicit a negative consequence. From a child’s eye view the world is simple…”what I do that gets love and approval is good about me and what I do that gets me in trouble is bad about me”.. As a child we simply desire love and approval and sometimes this means changing ourselves to fit within prescribed limits. We learn to censor our spirit, to be seen and not heard, to supress our nature to comply with the world. We channel our energy not into what makes our heart sing but into what gains us the most love and approval. We learn that self worth comes from outside ourselves.

This is understandable, as a child it is very hard to make sense of the complex adult world and the relationships in it. We all still have a small child inside of us with unrealised dreams and sometimes a trampled spirit and a heart that is confused about how to be loved.

The truth is that we arrive in this world divinely perfect in every way. That divine spirit still resides within all of us. We do not need to change who we are to be loved or to feel worthy We just need to be ourselves.

So its time to stop beating yourself up for being, too fat, not pretty enough, to loud, to intense, to flaky, not smart enough, not brave enough, too needy, not self loving enough. Instead turn within and find that place inside where your unique divine sprit resides and to offer yourself the love and approval you crave. There is a small child waiting there for you, for your love, for your care and for your hopes and dreams. That’s where you can anchor yourself, this is your safe harbour.

It may not feel easy at first, you may even resist it not believing it will give you what you need, but I promise you if you keep working at it. Gently getting to know who you really are and offering yourself the love that you crave everything will change in ways you cant even imagine.

Its time to stop looking for what you need from outside of yourself. Its time to be you. Fall in love with yourself as you are. You’re the most perfect you in existence xxx