Tag Archives: pop psychology

Hello, this is your growth calling…..

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves” Viktor Frankl

There is a part of me who has for 48 years (my whole life) been searching. I have lived with curiosity and a desire to know more. Maybe you have too….

I seek a deep experience of life, of love, of my own human-ness and I enjoy exploring my own nature. I look at the way I respond to the world and the results I get, to try to understand my relationships, my feelings and what they mean for me and those I interact with.

I have named this my “call to growth”

I am called to grow in every way possible and as much as I have the capacity to do so I answer that call. Those who know me often say that I am strong but I know that in actual fact I am no stronger than anyone else. The difference is this deep desire to understand, make peace with and to grow through life’s experiences. The good, the bad and the heart breakingly difficult. I am a deep thinker, a deep feeler and in more recent times have come to know myself as intuitive and empathic.

I know that I am not alone in this. I know that many of you share my need to know more and that some of you out there reading this will be seeing your self in my words. You are recognising the part of you who seeks more of yourself, the part that desires a deep connection in your most important relationships, in your work and with life itself.

I suspect that your journey and process is somewhat similar to my own

  • You have likely been through events and relationships that cause you to feel that in some way you were inherently lacking, unworthy and not good enough to do, be and have the things that you desire.
  • You sometimes still feel that lack of worth and it’s quite likely that it is holding you back from doing the things you want to do.
  • You give more than you receive. The way this occurs may look different on the outside but in the end it’s all the same. Some of us give outwardly, always doing things for others first, some of us give ourselves to our jobs, overworking and burning out. Others over give in relationships, putting our own needs aside for our partners. We can often do that to such an extent that we lose our sense of identity to the relationship.
  • You may also have an interest in all things spiritual and you seek new ways of understanding yourself and the world. You feel energy in places and in people and in experiences.
  • You probably cry at movies or find it hard to watch the news
  • You also have times where all you can do is sit on the couch no matter how hard you will yourself to do all those things you “should” be doing
  • You love people and places and variety just as much as you love silence and alone time and routine.

I am writing this blog today because I want to celebrate the beauty and diversity of all of you. All of the seekers out there who are just like me, or just a little like me but are looking, questioning, feeling and embracing what life puts in front of them.

I want you to know that I walk alongside you and I see your struggles, I see your beauty and your deep feeling heart. I know what it is to be in a crowded room but to feel utterly alone. You are not foreign to me or alien or strange. You fit right in and I celebrate each and every moment you are embracing the call to grow. I am cheering you on from the sidelines and knowing that even in your darkest places the light eventually shines.

What I have learnt from my own callings is

  • That the world is full of people just like you and me. Allow yourself to open up to that and you will find yourself drawing them to you
  • Your personal care is a priority. Recognise when you need to stop working, giving, engaging and let yourself fill up on alone time to process your experiences and reflect on your growth
  • There are things you can do that support your call, like meditation, writing, walking, creating, and being in nature. Find the things that work for you and make them a regular part of your routine.
  • You are worthy beyond measure, more valuable than you can comprehend and there is magic in your existence. Never forget that, no matter how hard it is.
  • You are always doing way better than you think you are!

My curiosity, desire for growth has already lead me to many great self discoveries, along with some magical experiences and some very special relationships and I know there will be more to come. I also know there will be more dark days and more internal struggles. I surrender to that now, knowing deep within that there will once again be days when the sun shines and the water sparkles.

I feel blessed to be who I am and to have in my experience the desire to grow, to expand, to challenge my own thinking, to know more, to be more. To me this is the essence of what life is all about. This is my search for meaning.

Do you have questions? Would you like a little more support as you navigate your growth? Did you know that I offer a few free 30min Intuitive insight sessions each month where we can talk about whats happening for you and unravel your experiences together. You can book your free spot here



The Kenny Rogers Principle

Yesterday I was preparing a session for my women’s business group coaching program and I was exploring our tendency to judge our personality traits, strengths and weaknesses and default behaviours as either good or bad. We can spend a lot of time berating ourselves for rushing in to quickly or for always procrastinating. We compare our creativity or our ability to get stuff done with someone elses and 9 times out of 10 measure ourselves as being not good enough. But this is not necessarily the case, even our most challenging qualities that gets us in to trouble the most can be superb strengths if we play our cards right.

You’ve got to know when to hold em and when to fold em!

In the context of my coaching work we were diving into business creation. My passion is supporting others to create businesses that they fall in love with. Businesses that are both sustaining from a financial perspective and also on a spiritual and emotional level. To create work that fills you up, gives you a sense of connection, allows you to be completely yourself and is deeply personally satisfying, is living your purpose.

This type of business requires really intentional creation. In the initial “seed” stage it asks us to be very connected to our feminine energy, to use our qualities of creativity, imagination, vision, to be receptive and open to what emerges. This is how we create from the heart and birth a business that is aligned with our values and purpose.

However we need our masculine energy and traits if this seed idea is ever going to grow into a flourishing business. Once we have that seed beginning to shoot its time for action, for doing for rational and logical thinking and to make things happen.

Whether we are male or female we all have masculine and feminine traits within us and will naturally act from our strongest traits. My personal style in my working life has always been more on the masculine spectrum of striving to achieve, ticking off goals and targets and getting things done. I have had to learn to balance this with creativity, love, imagination and vision to find work that was able to meet my deep need within for something that felt more soul filling for me.

Which brings me to the Kenny Rogers principle. Just like in his song The Gambler we need to know when to hold em and know when to fold em. The key is to know when to work from your feminine aspects and when to work from your masculine aspects.

To do this we can ask the question “What phase of my business am I in? Do I need to create, generate new ideas, nurture or germinate a seed of something new? Or is it time for action, goal setting and making things happen?” This way all parts of our personality are valued and accepted, we have a deeper connection with ourselves and our work.  We also get the best use out of our strengths and the opportunity to use and develop forgotten parts of ourselves which are often the parts that need to be included for the work to be soul satisfying on a long term basis and allows us to feel connected to our purpose.

This way we always hold the best cards!

Which cards are you playing today?

For more info on my group coaching prgrams and 1 on 1 coaching check out my facebook page http://www.facebook.com/Paulamcfarlanecoach

Its all about you….

Your most important relationship is with yourself….we have all heard this in pop psychology, self-help books and cute quotes on Facebook but what does it mean really?
For a long time I have been aware of this as a concept but I have to admit that I didn’t really understand its true meaning or how it could impact my life until recently.

I guess for me it wasn’t until I truly felt alone that I realised how much I needed myself and how much being with myself impacted on my happiness and the amount of Joy in my life.

We use so many things to avoid really, truly being with ourselves. Being alone with our thoughts and really understanding what is going on inside.

Our mind creates for us the illusion that “if only” is the answer to the discomfort that we feel. If only I had that job, that house, that sparkly shiny thing.

I admit to being guilty of this. My working life spanning 4 different careers is a testament to it. My need to avoid really knowing myself had me try on many different hats. I have also sold my self-worth to the external in an effort to feel that I am a valid individual. Pitching my value against other people’s opinions, comparing myself to their achievements.

I feel blessed to have had this experience to teach me and also blessed by the love of my husband whose complete acceptance helped me to believe I had value. And now I have to acknowledge how his passing has also blessed me. He blessed me by leaving me alone with myself. My initial reaction to his death was one of shock. He was my purpose how could I continue to exist without him.  His presence in my life had taught me that I would not find myself in my work no matter how consumed I became by it. I was left alone, alone with myself and I didn’t really know who that was or if I even liked her.

Initially I tried to block the part of me that screamed to find out with food. I ate myself into complete silence but this soon became unsatisfying. I would like to say I was willing to try a different approach to listen to myself and to hear what I had to say, but that would be a lie. The truth is I resisted the process like a cat resists a bath! But eventually I began to give way and to allow process of loving myself to unfold.

For me its not about massages, lighting candles and taking long baths although I do enjoy these things.  For me self love turned out to be a much more internal process. Finding out what I like, what my values are, what I truly desire, what holds me back and that nothing is more validating than understanding whats going on inside. I feel suddenly really free to express myself and to know that who I am is not defined by any external source. I have been on the road to discovering what makes me happy and brings me joy. I have been romancing myself like a new love I want to know every inch of

I now recognize what is means to love myself. Its giving myself time when I need to be alone. Its moving when I feel twitchy because this is a sign that something needs to be heard and for me moving moves that energy. Its acknowledging my spiritual nature and really taking time to allow this to be a pert of my life in a way that feels comfortable and authentic. Its asking myself my opinion and letting the answer come before I judge it. All of this is really simple and it all feels very loving and has allowed joy to leak in to my spirit and into my heart.

SO I can tell you there is really something in all the pop psychology suggestions…. You will always be the most important person in your life. You are so important I encourage to take some time to discover who you truly are and to find out what self love is for you. Don’t be afraid of the discomfort, accept this as part of the process. Keep going, I promise its worth it.

I’d love to know how this goes for you and any of your thoughts, feel free to post them in the comments below.

Love Paula xx