Category Archives: Grief

Hello, this is your growth calling…..

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves” Viktor Frankl

There is a part of me who has for 48 years (my whole life) been searching. I have lived with curiosity and a desire to know more. Maybe you have too….

I seek a deep experience of life, of love, of my own human-ness and I enjoy exploring my own nature. I look at the way I respond to the world and the results I get, to try to understand my relationships, my feelings and what they mean for me and those I interact with.

I have named this my “call to growth”

I am called to grow in every way possible and as much as I have the capacity to do so I answer that call. Those who know me often say that I am strong but I know that in actual fact I am no stronger than anyone else. The difference is this deep desire to understand, make peace with and to grow through life’s experiences. The good, the bad and the heart breakingly difficult. I am a deep thinker, a deep feeler and in more recent times have come to know myself as intuitive and empathic.

I know that I am not alone in this. I know that many of you share my need to know more and that some of you out there reading this will be seeing your self in my words. You are recognising the part of you who seeks more of yourself, the part that desires a deep connection in your most important relationships, in your work and with life itself.

I suspect that your journey and process is somewhat similar to my own

  • You have likely been through events and relationships that cause you to feel that in some way you were inherently lacking, unworthy and not good enough to do, be and have the things that you desire.
  • You sometimes still feel that lack of worth and it’s quite likely that it is holding you back from doing the things you want to do.
  • You give more than you receive. The way this occurs may look different on the outside but in the end it’s all the same. Some of us give outwardly, always doing things for others first, some of us give ourselves to our jobs, overworking and burning out. Others over give in relationships, putting our own needs aside for our partners. We can often do that to such an extent that we lose our sense of identity to the relationship.
  • You may also have an interest in all things spiritual and you seek new ways of understanding yourself and the world. You feel energy in places and in people and in experiences.
  • You probably cry at movies or find it hard to watch the news
  • You also have times where all you can do is sit on the couch no matter how hard you will yourself to do all those things you “should” be doing
  • You love people and places and variety just as much as you love silence and alone time and routine.

I am writing this blog today because I want to celebrate the beauty and diversity of all of you. All of the seekers out there who are just like me, or just a little like me but are looking, questioning, feeling and embracing what life puts in front of them.

I want you to know that I walk alongside you and I see your struggles, I see your beauty and your deep feeling heart. I know what it is to be in a crowded room but to feel utterly alone. You are not foreign to me or alien or strange. You fit right in and I celebrate each and every moment you are embracing the call to grow. I am cheering you on from the sidelines and knowing that even in your darkest places the light eventually shines.

What I have learnt from my own callings is

  • That the world is full of people just like you and me. Allow yourself to open up to that and you will find yourself drawing them to you
  • Your personal care is a priority. Recognise when you need to stop working, giving, engaging and let yourself fill up on alone time to process your experiences and reflect on your growth
  • There are things you can do that support your call, like meditation, writing, walking, creating, and being in nature. Find the things that work for you and make them a regular part of your routine.
  • You are worthy beyond measure, more valuable than you can comprehend and there is magic in your existence. Never forget that, no matter how hard it is.
  • You are always doing way better than you think you are!

My curiosity, desire for growth has already lead me to many great self discoveries, along with some magical experiences and some very special relationships and I know there will be more to come. I also know there will be more dark days and more internal struggles. I surrender to that now, knowing deep within that there will once again be days when the sun shines and the water sparkles.

I feel blessed to be who I am and to have in my experience the desire to grow, to expand, to challenge my own thinking, to know more, to be more. To me this is the essence of what life is all about. This is my search for meaning.

Do you have questions? Would you like a little more support as you navigate your growth? Did you know that I offer a few free 30min Intuitive insight sessions each month where we can talk about whats happening for you and unravel your experiences together. You can book your free spot here

 

 

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Finding Your “Why”

I can safely say that I am more engaged in what I do than I have ever been in any job or business I have had in the past. I love the level of engagement I feel in what I do and that every day I get up and go to “work” with a level of excitement and enthusiasm I only imagined existed. So how did this come about? What is this nirvana of “love what I do ” that I am currently experiencing? The key reason for my current level of joy and satisfaction in what I do is that I have a strong connection to why I am doing it. I have found my “why”

Having a compelling “why” is something that I coach my clients on frequently but it isn’t always easy to nail down exactly what it is for people. We all have different values and beliefs and things that we want to do, be and have in life. One “why” does not fit all!

So how do you find your own? I’d like to tell you the story of my why and I hope it will lead you just a little. It closer to discovering your own.

31/2 years ago my husband died of cancer. Now there are a lot of experiences that go hand in hand with the kind of loss I have been through but one of the real gifts was that it lead me to my why. When I lost Ande for a period of some months I couldn’t understand why I was still here. He was my purpose and without him I felt I had no function. However as time past and I began to heal I began to realize that he was in fact still my purpose. He was a beautiful, intelligent, caring and giving human being who died at age 45 with a lot of his music still inside him but I am still a living and I have the chance to not do that. I have the chance because of him to be, do and have all that I really want in my life. The best way for me to honor him and his memory is to be true to myself and to truly be me in each and every moment.

So I began to ask myself the question – Who am I really?, What are my values?, What do I want to create? What have all my experiences to this point shown me?

I came to know that freedom and authenticity are two of my strongest values. I began to feel how much I need to set my own timetable and how constrained certain things in my life made me feel. I discovered how much I love supporting others to reclaim their truth and to connect with who they are and express that in their life and business. I saw that my working life held some patterns that revealed to me something  I was observing not only in my own life but in the lives of people I was working with.

Ande became my purpose once again but he also became much more than that. Losing him guided me back to myself and to realising what success truly means for me and that to do that for other people would take my breath away.

So now I create a life that I love and although Ande still remains my anchor point my connection to my desire to lead others to deep experiences of success is why I get up each and every day with a spring in my step and the fact that doing that allows me to live in alignment with my values of freedom, authenticity, fairness, love and truth is the icing on the cake.

How will my story help you find your”why”? please don’t think that to get there you need to experience any kind of loss in your life because you don’t. All you need to do is to get curious. Get curious about what drives you, what your values are and whether you are living your life by them. Get curious about what makes you feel good and what makes time fly for you. Try a few “why’s on for size and see if they fit. Treat the whole process as an experiment and get really good at noticing what is being revealed to you. Taking a step back and viewing your life and your choices in this way will lead you to not only know yourself better and feel a greater sense of purpose it will lead you to your why.

If you would like support to find your wyh I’d love to help, book a free clarity call with me over on my website www.paulamcfarlane.com or if you are in Christchurch join my next Love your Biz Group coaching program that begins on 11th October. Info also on the website.

This blog post is in response to Natalie’s 10 Day Freedom Plan Blog Challenge Day 2

 

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Dont Die with you Music Still in you

This time last year I had just returned from Hawaii where I had the great honor of learning from the late Wayne Dyer at the Hay House Writers workshop. Wayne’s words have been on my mind this week as I have been gearing back into creation mode after my break in Indonesia. Wayne talked about one of the his key motivators in life being a message he wrote to himself after reading Leo Tolstoy’s “The death off Ivan Illycich” which had been given to him by his Uncle Bill. ( you can hear Wayne talk about this here https://vimeo.com/19672457)

The message  ” Don’t die with your music still in you”

This statement resonates with me on so many levels. We all have so much unshared, untapped talent, wisdom and insight that we keep to ourselves and don’t express. We hold on to our gold because of feelings of not being good enough. We let our fears get in the way of what it is we truly want to do or be in our lives.

I bet even in this very moment as you are reading this you are aware of a part of yourself that you don’t give life to, or a talent or desire that you keep on the back burner. You allow your job or circumstances to take precedent over what you really love and what you are really good at.

Sometimes we just get in our own way. We are afraid of what other people will think or what it will mean for our lives or our families.

I totally understand this

I get it

I have done it myself and still do in certain areas but less and less.

For me losing some very precious souls over the years has shown me how much it costs us mentally, physically and emotionally to deny parts of ourselves, to deny what we truly desire. I have been struck by how much the world has lost when these same loved ones have passed without ever really sharing themselves fully with the world.

It breaks my heart to know that others wont remember them for who they really were, they will remember who it was they allowed the world to see.

It broke my heart until I realised I could do something about it.

I could be part of the solution not part of the problem. I could do something about it by sharing myself more fully with the world. By sharing my talents and skills and by showing up as myself, no cover up, no disguise or what is “acceptable”

I could do something about it by supporting others to share their music too.

It has felt scary. It has felt vulnerable and it still does some days but it has also lead me into a new career that I love. It has given me the job of supporting others to share themselves with the world. To share their music from a foundation of what feels right for them and what is true for them.

I have been given the gift of self-examination. I have 46 years of experience of calling myself to understand more, to feel more, to do more and to be more. Life has become my toolbox for working with others, for uncovering truth, values, deciphering the code of fears and blocks and stuckness.

I am intimately acquainted with the challenges of change and loss and grief. My painful experiences serve as a balm to soothe and hold others through their own. I feel very blessed to walk this path.

I feel blessed that I can honor those I have lost and support those who feel called to work with me through my own understanding of why this is so important. Why you and me and you and you and you and you all have something very special to bring to the world, to your family and your community but most importantly to yourself.

Your impact as an individual in this life you are living can never be underestimated.

So lets write that symphony that’s inside you, lets gather the notes that are your music and find a way to bring it forward, to let your melody out into the world.

It’s never too late to answer that call within, it’s never too late to become more of who you are in any aspect of your life. Get support, make a change and most of all don’t die with your music still in you!

Paula xx

If you would like to try coaching email pmcfarlane@clear.net.nz or phone me on 0274327601 to set up a complimentary 20 min call to see if it’s for you.