Category Archives: breakfast blog

What Love teaches you

Breakfast Blog#3 This blog post was written over a Salmon Bene Breakfast at Gentle Giant in Ferry Road Christchurch.

Love and Marriage……

Last weekend the world witnessed Harry marry Meghan.

In this day and age such a formal ceremony seems out of place and almost comical. But what doesn’t change is the unerring fact that we humans are driven in one way or another to find love, to couple and to commit. Love has changed but the desire to know we have at least one other human who will stand beside us and be on our team has not.

Some of us are more successful at this than others and I wonder how well Harry and Meghan’s bond will stand up against the pressures of public life.

At 48 and ½ I am not without my love scars. I married my first love at 23 and divorced him at 27. I spent a large part of my early thirties celibate by choice, love jaded, dazed and confused. I married again the week I turned 40 to my best friend and the man I believed I would grow old with, by 43 I was a widow.

The last couple of years has seen me dive once again into the world of romance and internet dating (I’m not sure that those two go together in a sentence!) and I have learnt that older does not necessarily make you wiser when it comes to love.  Why do we keep doing it? Why not give up on love altogether? Because deep down in my soul I know I am not meant to navigate this life solo and I suspect many of you feel the same.

AND I learn more about myself in relationships than in any other single part of my life.  All my most important life lessons have come from being in a relationship. Maybe my love life lessons can save you some pain!

Relationships have taught me….

  • It’s the things that really annoy you about your partner that you will miss the most when they are gone. This is the greatest truth I can share with you. It will break your heart that no one leaves wet towels on the floor or squeezes the toothpaste in the middle when it is over. This truth is amplified tenfold if your love passes away. My advice learn to let this stuff go. It eats away at the bond you have with your love and in the big scheme of things its so not important!
  • Its possible to love with a broken heart. Often we shie away from new relationships when we have been hurt or our lover has died. We think that it will be too painful, we are afraid to risk the hurt again. By holding yourself back from love because of painful experiences you lose the opportunity to know that your heart can expand and heal and hold both painful and joyful experiences side by side. You lose the opportunity to build resilience and you may also be missing out on something really really special
  • Triggers are your roadmap to your own soul. When you fall in love, your partner will trigger you something shocking. You will feel that they don’t care enough, or that they don’t show you affection enough or that they just don’t understand you. You will likely use these ideas as an excuse to start a fight or even to end something that has the potential to be really lifechanging. When your partner triggers all your fears and neediness this is your soul calling you to take care of yourself. I didn’t really understand this until recently. I had experienced it a number of times and had begun to believe that I just needed too much from a relationship. But when I allowed myself to stand back from the situation I was able to see that it was a part of me that needed my attention. It was not my partner withholding or not giving. I needed myself, I needed something only I could give me.
  • Letting yourself receive will bring you unexpected joy. Relationships are about giving and receiving. In a perfect world we would get this in balance, sometimes giving sometimes receiving but the reality is some of us tend to overgive and/or deflect rather than receive. We can also fall prey to the habit of putting conditions on what we are prepared to receive. Our partner can give us all the hugs in the world but if we really want them to tell us how they feel or to help around the house those hugs will feel empty and probably make you angry. You have some choices here…. Articulate your needs, let your partner know what you want from them and then give them space to step forward. Allow yourself to receive what your partner wants to give. If we are always in the space of why doesn’t He/she do this or that….. we don’t get to experience the way our partner loves. Know that the conditions you are putting on your partner are actually that parts of yourself that need your own attention and allow yourself to receive what your partner is giving to you.
  • Never make a rash decision in the heat of the moment you might regret later. Its normal to have arguments or to feel frustrated with your partner from time to time. This does not mean your relationships needs to end. Take the time you need to really understand what is going on for both of you before you make any decisions you cant change.

So with the nuptials over Harry and Meghan will now have to navigate the waters of married life. My they have smooth seas and just enough storms to teach them how to love each other really well.

And if the recent wedding fever in the media has called you to question whether its time to reconsider your single status then my advice is to be brave and boldly step back into the love game. You have everything to gain and probably like me still lots to learn!

The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return ~Eden Ahbez

Paula xx

Do you have questions? Would you like a little more support as you navigate your relationships? Did you know that I offer a few free 30min Intuitive insight sessions each month where we can talk about whats happening for you and unravel your experiences together. You can book your free spot here

 

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Beware the Ides of March…

Breakfast Blog#2 I wrote this blog post over a Small fry breakfast at The Batch Cafe in Invercargill. 

Many A dream is won or lost by what occurs in the month of March!

March is the month to dig deep on your plans and dreams for 2018. The last couple of weeks has signalled the end of the golden weather here in New Zealand and no doubt the first bus of spring are appearing in the Northern hemisphere.  Spring and Autumn provide us with the perfect seasons for getting things done.

I am currently working on a project that I want to bring to life in my biz this year and this week I have been reminded of how hard it is at the beginning of a project to create the momentum it will take to see it ignite into a life of its own. The same applies to any dream or goal we have for ourselves in our personal lives. We are captivated by the idea initially, we feel it in our hearts and minds. We can almost touch and taste it, it feels very present with us. However when it comes to taking the necessary steps to make it a reality it can be soooo much harder to keep the wheels spinning and the excitement flowing. SOmetimes that’s when the wheels fall off and what we planned in January already feels like a distant memory come MArch.

It’s not too late though….together we can dust off those January dreams and start taking the steps to make sure you can harvest come the end of the year!

What first?

(1) Make a plan ~ write down all of the steps you need to take to make this thing happen. This is where I am at with my current project. Initially you will find it hard to think of things and to break it into small enough steps but just start writing….what do you need? $$, support, info….add to it daily as new pieces of the puzzle come to you.

(2) Make a date ~ book the steps in to your diary, carving out pockets of time when you can commit to working on them. Try to schedule these spots regularly through out your week initially as coming back to your project frequently will help feed its energy and create the momentum required to keep working on it

(3) What to do when you get stuck or go off the boil ~ firstly plan for this because it will happen! Share your idea/plan with a trusted friend…just talking it through will help you fall in love with it all over again. Create yourself a vision board and/ or do your own intuitive oracle card reading or journalling on your project now so you have these to reflect back on when the going gets tough. Coming back to the journalling I had done on my biz idea was my safety net this week when I was feeling frustrated and ready to give up.

(4) Ask for help ~ maybe you are stuck because part of the project is just outside your current skill set or experience. Who can you ask for help here? V.A? Coach?, Mentor?, Lawyer? Accountant? IT wiz? Get the support you need to make your dream take flight.

For me goals, dreams and visions for the future are what makes life less ordinary but it is actually taking the steps to make our dreams a reality that is Deep Living!

You have the capacity to do, be and have far more that you could ever imagine! Soooo dust off those New Year plans and let March be the month you take action.

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams, live the life you’ve imagined” Henry David Thoreau

From my heart to yours

Paula xx

If you live in Christchurch keep and eye out for my upcoming Vision board workshop. To get workshop dates via email sign up here Did you know that I offer a few free 30min sessions each month where we can talk about your dreams and goals and make a plan to bring them to life. You can book your free spot here 

Letting your Heart Lead…

Breakfast Blog#1 Today I begin a new series of blog posts, “Breakfast Blogs” One of my intentions for 2018 is to “live like I am on holiday all year” in exploring what that means to for me, visiting new cafes, starting my day slow and creating the space to write, come at the top of the list. Hence the breakfast blog is born. Each week (or as often as life allows) I will visit a new cafe, enjoy a late start and share with you whats on my mind and in my heart. Today’s breakfast blog was created at Bunsen in Christchurch and I had the very delicious Bunsen Bene on hash!

Over the first few weeks of 2018 the topic of goals has been high on the agenda both personally and with my clients. Its this time each year that we take stock, review and look forward to what to achieve and create in our lives. So what makes a really solid goal?

If you google goals you will find that at the top of the list comes the SMART goal and most of you will have heard of the concept of making your goals SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time bound) My personal feeling is that while this is a useful tool for formulating how you will word your goals for the purpose of writing them down, it doesn’t really lead you to create goals that excite you. To me, if we really want to set a goal that comes to fruition we need to feel it in our soul #soulgoals

Over the last couple of years I have observed in myself and in my clients a natural resistance to this idea. This is because we are conditioned to believe our goals “should” be lofty in the career, business, financial or academic sense. But unless we are really connected to what we want to create in these areas it can be really hard to harness the momentum required to get there, especially if we are not feeling it.

Even career, financial, business or academic goals need to be felt in the soul. In short whatever your goal it needs to make your heart sing.

So what if the thing you desire the most is to find a loving partner to share your life with? or to experience a deeper connection with the mate you already have? or to get to know the truth of who you are? or to create a beautiful living environment or to learn how to grow your own food? Are these goals any less important than that traditional career and financial goals? I would encourage you to consider the idea that the most important goal is the one you can feel in your heart regardless of what part of your life it relates to.

When we work towards our deepest desires we feel good, we feel connected and on purpose, motivated and part of the very fabric of life. We feel alive!

For some of you the choice to honour your deepest desires will feel so foreign it will be hard to find a place to start. That was certainly the case for me a few years ago. It takes courage to explore your inner terrain, it feels vulnerable. Especially if whats inside varies wildly from what those you love, want or expect from you.

My advice, start small, give yourself a little taste of what it feels like to honour your soul and keep asking the question “what is it that I really want right now” in every aspect of your life. Give yourself permission to discover what sets your soul on fire. Get curious about what might be revealed to you.

The real benefits of letting your heart lead is that you will experience more joy, more love and more connection in every aspect of your life. When you are soul filled and soul happy your ability to show up, perform and achieve, skyrockets.

When you give yourself what you really want, you lay a solid foundation for amplifying success in every part of your life including your career, business, and finances! Ironically by focusing on goals that fill your soul you will experience a greater level of success in the areas you think you “should” be striving for.

So in 2018, plan to do, be and have more of what makes your heart sing and let your heart lead for a while….You might just be surprised where it takes you.

From my heart to yours

Paula xx