Category Archives: Authenticity

When your soul is calling you…

It has struck me recently how ill-equipped we are as humans to resolve the struggle between our human nature and our soul nature. We live in a human world yet within us all resides a higher guiding power that is our soul.

For some of us it’s entirely satisfactory to live a human life without ever exploring the deeper soul self but for me and the majority of my coaching clients the call of the soul becomes, at some point, impossible to ignore.

To know your self at a soul level is truly a gift and its through the expression of who we are at this deepest of levels that creates a life lived deeply.  The path of soul exploration is not easy and I know many great minds have written, probably in a much greater detail and understanding of this part of our nature, than I will. However lately I have witnessed so many of my clients struggling with how to honor the soul after many years of an entirely human existence, I feel it important to share what I know of this journey. When the soul comes calling, the struggle between the ego, personality and the souls desires fall into conflict. The internal turmoil that ensues can feel relentless, emotional and inexplicably difficult.

My experience of my souls desire to express fully in my life spans more than 20 years and began as a fascination with all things “woo woo”. The logical, analytical, judgmental perfectionist that was my ego self fought hard to contain this curiosity within me. I felt ashamed of who I was and held for a time a huge fear that I was going to have to become a crystal ball reading gypsy to really fulfil my potential. In truth what has  unfolded is a desire to be everything that I am and to live my life at the deepest of levels. I crave connection to this “soul self” and meet her in my writing, my meditation and in the joyful and loving moments in my life.

My work has only been enhanced by the recognition of my Souls desire to express itself. Trusting this core part of who I am, is what allows me to be present for my clients, to hold space for them and to be a clear channel for what is needed to intuitively guide them back to themselves.

I feel blessed to work in this way, to feel my soul’s gentle presence in my life and to support and guide others who find themselves on this pathway.

This way of being, this type of growth is not taught in schools or tertiary institutions. Its life that guides us to this place within. I don’t know why the soul’s call, for some of us, is so strong, yet for others it doesn’t exist, but what I do know is that recognising what is happening can help to reduce the stress and impact on your life

So how do you recognise When your soul is calling you?

  • People, places, relationships and friendships that you once loved and relied on suddenly don’t feel right any more. You feel like a fish out of water. Sometimes it is described as a sense that you are watching your life occur around you but you dont feel connected to it. You might begin to choose to be alone rather than hanging out with your friends. Your social interests suddenly seem less interesting.
  • You feel the urge to change jobs or to move house. There is a desire to “find your Purpose” and to feel “at home” This creates within us a need to change where we are currently to something that feels more aligned even if we don’t know what that is.
  • You have a hard time controlling your emotions. You cry at inopportune moments, you feel overwhelmed with sadness and grief or get angry when you would normally remain calm, you experience rage at situations that normally wouldn’t bother you. Your nearest and dearest tell you tht you are “too sensitve”
  • You might begin to indulge in everything you know is not good for you. You numb the uncomfortable feelings inside with food or alcohol or drugs or sex. Or conversely you go hard out with healthy living, exploring radical changes in diet and exercise.
  • You feel like a failure and struggle to get anything off the ground in your business.
  • Your financial situation changes radically
  • You feel ike you have no control over what is changing in your life. You feel bewildered

The good news is, there is so much you can do to support yourself through this soul journey and you are not alone. My best advice is to get support from someone who understands, who has walked that path that you are on and who can help to guide you in the right direction.

It might also help to…

  • explore the new age section in your local library. Choose any books that capture your attention and read.
  • Buy a journal and start recording your experiences. This will go a long way towards helping you make sense of what is occurring. It may also be where you hear your souls voice the loudest. You can even invite your soul into a conversation with you by asking questions and writing what comes as an answer without censoring it.
  • Give yourself the gift of time….time away from the world to just be… time to decide what is right for you before you change jobs, cities and relationships.
  • Talk about your experiences and be open to those around you who will ‘get you’ the miracle of this experience is that you will find kindred spirits in the most unlikely of places
  • Practice being in your heart. consciously moving your awareness from your head to your heart. Allowing yourself to feel all that you are holding there. Let your heart lead you…check in with what your heart desires….
  • explore spiritual practices, forums and groups that appeal to you. meditation, yoga, crystals, different types of healing. Each one of us is different and finding out what makes your soul sing can be just the adventure that you need.

If you had told me 20 years ago that I would be writing this for you and working in the way that I do, I would not have believed you. I would have run as fast as I could in the opposite direction. But today I feel blessed to have heard the call of my soul and to have answered. I feel grateful for all the experiences I have had finding my way back to myself and I feel honored to be able to work in the way that I do and to share my souls voice with the world.

AND I know that sometime in the future you will too

Paula xx

Do you have questions? Would you like a little more support to connect with your soul self? Did you know that I offer a few free 30min Intuitive insight sessions each month where we can talk about whats happening for you and unravel your experiences together. You can book your free spot here

 

 

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What Love teaches you

Breakfast Blog#3 This blog post was written over a Salmon Bene Breakfast at Gentle Giant in Ferry Road Christchurch.

Love and Marriage……

Last weekend the world witnessed Harry marry Meghan.

In this day and age such a formal ceremony seems out of place and almost comical. But what doesn’t change is the unerring fact that we humans are driven in one way or another to find love, to couple and to commit. Love has changed but the desire to know we have at least one other human who will stand beside us and be on our team has not.

Some of us are more successful at this than others and I wonder how well Harry and Meghan’s bond will stand up against the pressures of public life.

At 48 and ½ I am not without my love scars. I married my first love at 23 and divorced him at 27. I spent a large part of my early thirties celibate by choice, love jaded, dazed and confused. I married again the week I turned 40 to my best friend and the man I believed I would grow old with, by 43 I was a widow.

The last couple of years has seen me dive once again into the world of romance and internet dating (I’m not sure that those two go together in a sentence!) and I have learnt that older does not necessarily make you wiser when it comes to love.  Why do we keep doing it? Why not give up on love altogether? Because deep down in my soul I know I am not meant to navigate this life solo and I suspect many of you feel the same.

AND I learn more about myself in relationships than in any other single part of my life.  All my most important life lessons have come from being in a relationship. Maybe my love life lessons can save you some pain!

Relationships have taught me….

  • It’s the things that really annoy you about your partner that you will miss the most when they are gone. This is the greatest truth I can share with you. It will break your heart that no one leaves wet towels on the floor or squeezes the toothpaste in the middle when it is over. This truth is amplified tenfold if your love passes away. My advice learn to let this stuff go. It eats away at the bond you have with your love and in the big scheme of things its so not important!
  • Its possible to love with a broken heart. Often we shie away from new relationships when we have been hurt or our lover has died. We think that it will be too painful, we are afraid to risk the hurt again. By holding yourself back from love because of painful experiences you lose the opportunity to know that your heart can expand and heal and hold both painful and joyful experiences side by side. You lose the opportunity to build resilience and you may also be missing out on something really really special
  • Triggers are your roadmap to your own soul. When you fall in love, your partner will trigger you something shocking. You will feel that they don’t care enough, or that they don’t show you affection enough or that they just don’t understand you. You will likely use these ideas as an excuse to start a fight or even to end something that has the potential to be really lifechanging. When your partner triggers all your fears and neediness this is your soul calling you to take care of yourself. I didn’t really understand this until recently. I had experienced it a number of times and had begun to believe that I just needed too much from a relationship. But when I allowed myself to stand back from the situation I was able to see that it was a part of me that needed my attention. It was not my partner withholding or not giving. I needed myself, I needed something only I could give me.
  • Letting yourself receive will bring you unexpected joy. Relationships are about giving and receiving. In a perfect world we would get this in balance, sometimes giving sometimes receiving but the reality is some of us tend to overgive and/or deflect rather than receive. We can also fall prey to the habit of putting conditions on what we are prepared to receive. Our partner can give us all the hugs in the world but if we really want them to tell us how they feel or to help around the house those hugs will feel empty and probably make you angry. You have some choices here…. Articulate your needs, let your partner know what you want from them and then give them space to step forward. Allow yourself to receive what your partner wants to give. If we are always in the space of why doesn’t He/she do this or that….. we don’t get to experience the way our partner loves. Know that the conditions you are putting on your partner are actually that parts of yourself that need your own attention and allow yourself to receive what your partner is giving to you.
  • Never make a rash decision in the heat of the moment you might regret later. Its normal to have arguments or to feel frustrated with your partner from time to time. This does not mean your relationships needs to end. Take the time you need to really understand what is going on for both of you before you make any decisions you cant change.

So with the nuptials over Harry and Meghan will now have to navigate the waters of married life. My they have smooth seas and just enough storms to teach them how to love each other really well.

And if the recent wedding fever in the media has called you to question whether its time to reconsider your single status then my advice is to be brave and boldly step back into the love game. You have everything to gain and probably like me still lots to learn!

The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return ~Eden Ahbez

Paula xx

Do you have questions? Would you like a little more support as you navigate your relationships? Did you know that I offer a few free 30min Intuitive insight sessions each month where we can talk about whats happening for you and unravel your experiences together. You can book your free spot here

 

Beware the Ides of March…

Breakfast Blog#2 I wrote this blog post over a Small fry breakfast at The Batch Cafe in Invercargill. 

Many A dream is won or lost by what occurs in the month of March!

March is the month to dig deep on your plans and dreams for 2018. The last couple of weeks has signalled the end of the golden weather here in New Zealand and no doubt the first bus of spring are appearing in the Northern hemisphere.  Spring and Autumn provide us with the perfect seasons for getting things done.

I am currently working on a project that I want to bring to life in my biz this year and this week I have been reminded of how hard it is at the beginning of a project to create the momentum it will take to see it ignite into a life of its own. The same applies to any dream or goal we have for ourselves in our personal lives. We are captivated by the idea initially, we feel it in our hearts and minds. We can almost touch and taste it, it feels very present with us. However when it comes to taking the necessary steps to make it a reality it can be soooo much harder to keep the wheels spinning and the excitement flowing. SOmetimes that’s when the wheels fall off and what we planned in January already feels like a distant memory come MArch.

It’s not too late though….together we can dust off those January dreams and start taking the steps to make sure you can harvest come the end of the year!

What first?

(1) Make a plan ~ write down all of the steps you need to take to make this thing happen. This is where I am at with my current project. Initially you will find it hard to think of things and to break it into small enough steps but just start writing….what do you need? $$, support, info….add to it daily as new pieces of the puzzle come to you.

(2) Make a date ~ book the steps in to your diary, carving out pockets of time when you can commit to working on them. Try to schedule these spots regularly through out your week initially as coming back to your project frequently will help feed its energy and create the momentum required to keep working on it

(3) What to do when you get stuck or go off the boil ~ firstly plan for this because it will happen! Share your idea/plan with a trusted friend…just talking it through will help you fall in love with it all over again. Create yourself a vision board and/ or do your own intuitive oracle card reading or journalling on your project now so you have these to reflect back on when the going gets tough. Coming back to the journalling I had done on my biz idea was my safety net this week when I was feeling frustrated and ready to give up.

(4) Ask for help ~ maybe you are stuck because part of the project is just outside your current skill set or experience. Who can you ask for help here? V.A? Coach?, Mentor?, Lawyer? Accountant? IT wiz? Get the support you need to make your dream take flight.

For me goals, dreams and visions for the future are what makes life less ordinary but it is actually taking the steps to make our dreams a reality that is Deep Living!

You have the capacity to do, be and have far more that you could ever imagine! Soooo dust off those New Year plans and let March be the month you take action.

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams, live the life you’ve imagined” Henry David Thoreau

From my heart to yours

Paula xx

If you live in Christchurch keep and eye out for my upcoming Vision board workshop. To get workshop dates via email sign up here Did you know that I offer a few free 30min sessions each month where we can talk about your dreams and goals and make a plan to bring them to life. You can book your free spot here 

Letting your Heart Lead…

Breakfast Blog#1 Today I begin a new series of blog posts, “Breakfast Blogs” One of my intentions for 2018 is to “live like I am on holiday all year” in exploring what that means to for me, visiting new cafes, starting my day slow and creating the space to write, come at the top of the list. Hence the breakfast blog is born. Each week (or as often as life allows) I will visit a new cafe, enjoy a late start and share with you whats on my mind and in my heart. Today’s breakfast blog was created at Bunsen in Christchurch and I had the very delicious Bunsen Bene on hash!

Over the first few weeks of 2018 the topic of goals has been high on the agenda both personally and with my clients. Its this time each year that we take stock, review and look forward to what to achieve and create in our lives. So what makes a really solid goal?

If you google goals you will find that at the top of the list comes the SMART goal and most of you will have heard of the concept of making your goals SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time bound) My personal feeling is that while this is a useful tool for formulating how you will word your goals for the purpose of writing them down, it doesn’t really lead you to create goals that excite you. To me, if we really want to set a goal that comes to fruition we need to feel it in our soul #soulgoals

Over the last couple of years I have observed in myself and in my clients a natural resistance to this idea. This is because we are conditioned to believe our goals “should” be lofty in the career, business, financial or academic sense. But unless we are really connected to what we want to create in these areas it can be really hard to harness the momentum required to get there, especially if we are not feeling it.

Even career, financial, business or academic goals need to be felt in the soul. In short whatever your goal it needs to make your heart sing.

So what if the thing you desire the most is to find a loving partner to share your life with? or to experience a deeper connection with the mate you already have? or to get to know the truth of who you are? or to create a beautiful living environment or to learn how to grow your own food? Are these goals any less important than that traditional career and financial goals? I would encourage you to consider the idea that the most important goal is the one you can feel in your heart regardless of what part of your life it relates to.

When we work towards our deepest desires we feel good, we feel connected and on purpose, motivated and part of the very fabric of life. We feel alive!

For some of you the choice to honour your deepest desires will feel so foreign it will be hard to find a place to start. That was certainly the case for me a few years ago. It takes courage to explore your inner terrain, it feels vulnerable. Especially if whats inside varies wildly from what those you love, want or expect from you.

My advice, start small, give yourself a little taste of what it feels like to honour your soul and keep asking the question “what is it that I really want right now” in every aspect of your life. Give yourself permission to discover what sets your soul on fire. Get curious about what might be revealed to you.

The real benefits of letting your heart lead is that you will experience more joy, more love and more connection in every aspect of your life. When you are soul filled and soul happy your ability to show up, perform and achieve, skyrockets.

When you give yourself what you really want, you lay a solid foundation for amplifying success in every part of your life including your career, business, and finances! Ironically by focusing on goals that fill your soul you will experience a greater level of success in the areas you think you “should” be striving for.

So in 2018, plan to do, be and have more of what makes your heart sing and let your heart lead for a while….You might just be surprised where it takes you.

From my heart to yours

Paula xx

Allowing 2018

Welcome to your New year!

Its been 12 months since we found ourselves at the beginning again but here we are….

I am conscious of how different this January feels for me to all of the January’s gone by. I have welcomed January with fervour in the past. I have loved that “day before the first day if school” feeling that new years have….that excitement of new possibilities just around the corner. I often rush at January with a big agenda of dreams and schemes to be birthed in the months ahead. But this year feels different….can you feel it too?

Don’t get me wrong January 2018 is very welcome after the mental and emotional demands of an enormous 2017. I have just as many possibilities for creation bubbling under the surface but this January feels gentler and softer in its unfolding.

January 2018 has me very much in a space of allowing. Allowing what is, rather than battling what isn’t. The era of hustle is gone. January 2018 is all heart after the heady mental energy of 2017.

So with a sigh of relief I relax into this gentle January and allow myself to dream and to breathe and  to let what wants to come forward arrive.

And when those echoes of 2017 come calling, asking me, pressuring me and should-ing me, I take a deep soul filling breath, pour a cup of tea and go out into my garden to watch mother nature allow herself to unfold.

Wishing you all a divinely gentle January

Paula xx

Did you know that I offer a few free 30min Intuitive insight sessions each month where we can talk about whats happening for you and unravel your experiences together. You can book your free spot here

 

Feeling the call…….an invitation to action

I wrote today’s blog post on Sunday 23rd July, just over 30 days ago. Although at the time I wrote this post I did not publish it I did follow my own invitation to solitude. What has unfolded for me over the last 30 days has been an amazing illustration of the benefits of exactly what i wrote about in this post. I have greater clarity, I have followed my own guidance to refresh my branding and make small but important changes in my business. As a result I am happier, more engaged with my work and working and plying with a new sense of Joy and energy. I invite you to join me……………..

 

Lately I’ve been feeling the call. Soul Whispers, internal urges, that lingering sensation that it is time.

Being a widow with no children, I have a love /hate relationships with my alone-ness. As much as I crave company I also crave solitude. You would think that a person in my situation would have alone-time sorted but true solitude is not just about being the only person in the room.

It asks us to be present with whatever we are holding inside, good or bad.

For the past few weeks I have had house guests and i have allowed them to become my convenient excuse. My excuse to not meditate and to deny myself true moments of solitude.

I become aware again of my perfectionism….my need for the perfect set of circumstances to align before I set aside my Busy-ness (even when alone) and settle into some moments with myself.

What I find there in my solitude is a chance to fill up on myself, to feel the presence of my soul self and to reconnect with all that is within and around me.

It is in this place that i can draw from when I am stuck or confused or in need of some clarity. It is in this place that my intuition, desires and heart reside.

I ask myself why I avoid deep drinks from the well of solitude and my answer is a rising tangle of fear and excitement. I am afraid of the power of what lies within me, of the depth of my own presence and what it asks me to bring forward.

This age old oscillation of fear/intuition/power/darkness/light and ego is present within all of us and can manifest visibly in procrastination, resistance and putting everyone else before we give to ourselves.

This reluctance to truly own the power of our presence, keep us small, dims our light, dampens our creativity and stands in the way of our success.

Today I take a stand and say “No More” no more dulling our magnificence!

Join me in a commitment to the self and all that reveals

Join me in a conscious movement closer to yourself, your heart, your power.

Join me in action by taking steps on what is revealed

join me in walking in the face of fear and discomfort.

Join me in finding more joy, more clarity and inspiration in solitude.

Join me in the magic of rediscovering yourself!

21 Days of Solitude

Join me each day for the next 21 days as I carve out moments of solitude and share the experience on Instagram using #21daysofsolitude 

Saying it as it is….

Have you ever felt like a fraud or that you don’t measure up?

Today I’m calling “bullshit” Who’s with me?

This week I ran my first live webinar. I loved it and I know that those who participated received value from it. I wrote the content for the webinar “10 Soul Strategies to Kick Procrastination” in November 2016.  So why did I procrastinate for nearly 8 months to bring this content to my tribe?

If I’m really honest, over the last few months I have felt myself a fraud, that I didn’t measure up. I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my gut, a hopelessness, a uselessness. I was struck down by comparisonitis and crippled by the thought that I had to do this the way I see others do it in social media.

I felt invisible in such a noisy social media world and a little bit sickened by the empty promises of “learn how to generate 6 figures in 5 months” hype. I saw authenticity being pedaled as the latest “must have” in the most inauthentic ways.

What I fell victim to and I know I am not alone in this was allowing social media to influence my own measure of value and success. Quick Fix business schemes are marketed in a way the hyper creates an artificial sense of what success is.

The reality is that the majority of small businesses take a minimum of 2 to 3 years to really hit their stride.

So I called “bullshit” on the social media hype that I was buying into…

Dont follow me to be followed back!

Dont sell me your magic formula that you still haven’t proven to yourself works yet

Dont sell me your Uber successful launch strategy that you are trying out for the first time on me, that was sold to you by someone else who got it from someone else!

SHOW ME WHO YOU ARE

Show me your soft underbelly, your journey, your darkness, your failures

Show me all the things you don’t want me to see, show me your soul, your integrity, your values

My biggest takeaway from the last few months is that I am comfortable building my business in the same way I like to cook food…Slowly, I am savouring the journey.

And that all the aspirational marketing hype drew me in for a reason. It speaks to the part of me who has success in her soul, who knows her time is coming and is preparing for the shoes that currently feel too big for her to fill.

This is my invitation to be who I am, to do it my way and to grow my business in a way that feeds me, and is in alignment with my values. To stand in my own integrity and be my own version of authentic.

And I invite you to do the same and I just know the world will love you exactly as you are!

Have you felt affected by all the social media hype too? I’d love to hear about it, feel free to share in the comments below. If you feel like you’d like to connect I’d love to invite you for a  a free clarity call with me here or visit my website here