When everything is stripped away….When all you are left with is the bones of your life….will that be enough?
Does what you do and have define who you are?
It seems we live in a time where a lot of emphasis is placed on where we live and what we have. Lifestyle dictates success. We work to enable the accumulation of things. We allow our sense of self to be in the accolades these things bring us from friends, family and peers. But does this bring us Joy?
Don’t get me wrong I like my stuff as much as the next person but recently I have felt called to contemplate this. I am out of my house. My home and all the things in it have been uprooted and changed for earthquake repairs and renovations. There has been a lot of decisions and even more delays.
I have felt pain and frustration. The pain of change. My house, my home I shared with Ande will not be the same after this. I have come to realize how much your environment can become the fabric of your relationship. There is a grieving in the choice of a new carpet and new colours for the wall. There is also the missing of his practical attitude and problem solving mind when I am facing so many choices alone. I have found the many delays intensely frustrating and have come to acknowledge I have an internal dialogue around what I can and cant do when I am out of my house. It has raised for me the question of why cant ? Why cant I create routines that aren’t reliant on living in the one environment? Why cant I authentically be myself when I am essentially homeless? Does who I am cease to exist if I am not living in my house?
When I really examine my life and what in it has bought me the most Joy. Its not houses or stuff. Its people, my lovely late husband, friends old and new who have been there. My family, small neices and nephews. Its experiences, places visited and fun had, cooking, creating and writing, Its also the simple things, rainbows, roses, growing things, small furry pets and did I mention Rainbows!
So as I make peace with the time it will take for my home to be renewed I am beginning to feel grateful for the chance to Re- create this home not as a place that defines me but as a vessel that will hold the joy that life brings.